Dracula's a base cad
Stirring up some devilment
It's his derangement
Fangs're never heaven-sent
Tranny with a handbag
Gettin' it all cut off
Says he made a payment
Figures he was ripped off
Look out, kid, it never was big
At least then he won't be doin' it again
Better run down the valley, hey
Slidin' down a new bend
A man in a black cape, with red eyes
And a big Sten
Wants eleven more to kill, dude
You only brought ten...

Drakky knows Bigfoot
Says he never stays put
Squawkin' that the beat cop's
Gonna break his neck, but
The bone's snapped anyway
Drakky says the bloodless say
There's bust lust in early May
Feedin' up in LA
Look out, kid, you're gonna get bit
Walk on your eyeballs
Avoidin' the low blows
Better stay away from those
You can't quite impale close
Stake and garlic
Hide at crossroads
You don't need a cannibal
To know which way the blood flows

Hey, he's pale, she's frail
Sounding out the death knell
Look Bob, can't you tell
Get the hell out while you're well
Junk mail, chain mail
Stick him with a a coffin nail
Look out, kid, be glad that you did
Twisted feeders
Six bloodsuckers hangin' round the freezer
Guy by the gene pool
Lookin' for a new chew
Don't swallow pleaders
Find yourself a bleeder

Aw, get shorn, reborn
Hot pants, blood banks
Burn toast, get hexed, eat lead
Down among the undead
Daylight, floodlight
Hit 'em with a bright light
All his crazy droolin'
And it's makin' you so uptight
Watch out, kid, you're gettin' a nip
Better jump through a wormhole
Smear yourself in snake oil
Bell, book, and candle
In your Jesus sandals
Don't wanna cut and run
You better play dumb
The sun came up
As the vampire got a-scrambled...