Watch History Channel
And soon you will see
The impending demise
Of all humanity
The stars have aligned
To fulfill prophecy
Prepare to shake hands
With your Maker
For the New Madrid Fault
Could give way any day
And Saint Louis will be a quakin'

The ice it is melted
The glacier unfroze
And that's how the
Ultimate polar bear goes
To desperately swim
Midst the vanishing floes
The big fellow soon
May be drowning
Or will he bask on the sand
Where he frolicked in snow
For the climate is a changin'

The preacher, the rabbi
The imam, the priest
Are stamped on their hands
With the mark of the Beast
And he who would buy
And he who would sell
The Antichrist's number
Must get one
Then we'll all get our kicks
On Route 666
As we roll to Armageddon

The fist of Jehovah's
Unleashed mighty wrath
The Mayan astronomer's
Calender math
When terrestrial orbit
Meets asteroid's path
In two thousand twelve
Late December
We'll shout "Nostra-damn it!"
Kiss our asses good-bye
For the sky, indeed, is falling

The Westboro Baptists
Proclaim it with glee
It's all caused by
Homo-sex-u-al-ity
The water is gay
And so is the wind
Those hurricanes spawn
From the sinnin'
Mardi Gras Town will
Be flooded again
By a lesbian storm like Katrina

I could quit my job
And go live in a cave
It might be my refuge
It might be my grave
Stockpile munitions
And Krugerrands save
The prospects are all
So derangin'
Or take charge of the future
Stop livin' in fear
This channel it needs a changin'