Some time ago a crazy dream came to me.
I dreamed I was walkin' into the next century.
I went to the doctor the very next day.
To see what kinda words he could say.
He said it wasn't no dream.
Expressed concern for the state of my prostate.
Suggested therapy for my head.

I said, "Hold it, Doc, the 20th century just passed through my brain.
He said, "Nurse, get a strait jacket, this boy is insane.
He grabbed my arm and I said, "Ouch!
As I landed on the psychiatric couch.
He said, "Tell me about it."

Well, the whole thing started at 3 o'clock fast,
And it was all over by quarter past.
One moment I was snuggled up with some little lover,
But when I peeked out from beneath the cover
The world had changed.

The world of my youth was one big lark
And we played hide and seek until well after dark
And never worried about what we couldn't see.
But as I crawled from the covers, the world had morphed
And as I walked around, I felt a different atmosphere.

I yelled, "Ollie, ollie oxen, free, free, free,
And a homeless man came up to me,
And said, "Give me some bread, I'm hungry man."
Then a shotgun fired, and away we ran.
Me and that homeless man,
We must a' looked real funny.

Down at the corner by an ice cream stand
I seen a little girl, I said, "Howdy, ma'am."
"It's hot today, here's ice cream for you."
She screamed a bit, and away she flew.
Thought I was a pedophile.

Then I spied a woman and before she could leave
I said, "Let's go play Adam and Eve."
I took her by the hand and my heart it was thumpin'
When she said, "Hey man, you crazy or sumpin'."
"You ain't gettin' nothin' 'less you wear some protection."

Then I seen a Dodge Viper parked uptown
And there was nobody aroun'
So I got into the driver's seat
And I drove down Van Nuys Blvd.
In my Viper.
Good car to drive me into the new century.

I remembered the way it used to be
So I turned the radio to KFWB
But it didn't play no rock and roll.
These AM radios don't work so well.
I popped a new CD in the CD slot,
It was Britney Spears. I hear she's hot.
Not much like Buddy Holly.
But then, he's dead.

I was feeling kind of lonesome and blue,
And I needed somebody to talk to,
So I called up this friend of mine,
Just to hear a voice of some kind.
It was a 1-900 number
And all she did was groan.
She groaned for over an hour,
So I hung up.
Well, the doctor interrupted me just about then,
Saying, "Hey I've been havin' the same kind of dreams.
But mine are a little different you see,
I dreamed I was driving my Viper into the next century.
I didn't see you by the side of the road.

Well, time has passed and now it seems
Everybody is having them dreams.
Everybody sees themselves driving into the next century
With all kinds of people around.
With diplomacy we missed World War III
So my family gets to go with me
Into this 21st century, multicultural cornucopia.
"In the future, I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours."
I said that.