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Song Parodies -> "Happiness Is To Own Guns"

Original Song Title:

"Happiness Is A Warm Gun"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Happiness Is To Own Guns"

Parody Written by:

a.e. jones

The Lyrics

we're in a world of sissy chumps
those well acquainted with the touch of the finger on the trigger say
you get no thrill like that when digit is astringent and you're set to shoot
lying are those guys who demand that it is guns commit the crimes
this faux impression comes from hate of those baited by the Brady bunch
we need fix from these pussy clowns
we need a nix on these coward clowns
we need a fix or the Second's down
the government wants to take my guns
the government wants to take my guns
the government wants to take my guns
the government wants to take my guns
happiness is to own guns
(bang bang shoot shoot)
happiness is to own guns
(bang bang shoot shoot)
from my cold dead hands take arms (oh yeah!)
when i feel my finger on the trigger (oh yeah!!)
i know nobody can do me no harm (oh no!!!)
yeah but crappiness is to ban guns, come on, just bang and shoot
fascistness is to ban guns, yes it (why can't I shoot?)
gladliness it to own, yes it is, guns
gladliness (i want to shoot)
not many know that happiness (gladliness) is to own guns
let me own guns, yeah!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 52

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   50

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - June 09, 2017 - Report this comment
555 rounds!
CML - June 10, 2017 - Report this comment
Obama Superior wants your guns
Miserlou Cacayonnis - June 10, 2017 - Report this comment
This is either a brilliant satire of the sexually impotent, paranoid gun fetishist, or the ravings of a sexually impotent, paranoid gun fetishist. To be on the safe side, I'll assume it's the latter and give this 3 misfires.
Rob Schneider - June 10, 2017 - Report this comment
The jonester, shootin' blanks.
Miserlou Cacayonnis - June 11, 2017 - Report this comment
^ The sex references are noted. So it really is all about your sexual inadequacy. Poor fake-macho bastard! You're not man enough to own, maintain, and use a cock. Go sit down and pee!
Jester - June 11, 2017 - Report this comment
^ MC is an expert on impotency ;-)
CML - June 11, 2017 - Report this comment
Isn't it hilarious when a gaggle of sub-Epsilon males who are NOT replicating their odious, degraded selves tries to insinuate that it's the gun-owning Alpha males with three children who are sexually inadequate? ..... Seriously, it's almost impossible to state something that is more divorced from objective reality. How do they manage to say these things without causing their own brains to implode?
Miserlou Cacayonnis - June 11, 2017 - Report this comment
Many erudite sources reveal CML to be an ignoramus.
You won't find anyone willing to dare say it much in the media, but a good percentage of the white men who oppose gun control of any sort – and who back measures that would even allow alleged terrorists and straw purchases for drug dealers to buy guns – are just afraid that without their guns, their phallic power will be reduced to size.
You can feel at least temporarily reassured when a long-barreled assault weapon compensates for just another average manhood; it's an irresistable testosterone high to the beleaguered white male.
Call this Freudian psychobabble analysis, but when you add it into the mix of just angry white males who want their guns to show that they are still top dog on the political, social and marital hierarchy, you got a good percentage of the psychologically needy gun owners. A gun, particularly assault weapons and lethal militarized handguns, are at least two things: a prosthetic dick and a sign that even unemployed white guys still rule the Western World and sit at the head of the kitchen table.
We're talking about a dying patriarchy making a last stand with the ownership and brandishing of weapons that provide the semblance of ultimate power over life and death.
Sure, there is the rapidly decreasing tradition and understandable ritual of hunting in rural areas, particularly for those who actually need the meat because of near poverty. And there are handgun target shooters who truly regard handguns as a sport -- which they are in some cases. But these white men are a minority in a culture war that causes even elected Democrats to tremble in fear at voting on a gun control measure, even a law that might aid police in apprehending criminals, but the gun lobby opposes it for some obscure reason to rally their supporters around.
Let's face it, the more white guys feel besieged by a multi-cultural society in which women and minorities have chewed away at their perch until it is about to crash to the ground and leave them equals among other humans, the more fierce and maniacal the opposition to regulating guns as dangerous instruments of death becomes.
That is to say that a gun, or multiple numbers of them (which is the trend per gun owner over the past few years), provides a sense of potency, a shot of dominance that allows one – in some states -- to walk around "open carry" with a handgun. "You see who I am," the handgun symbolizes, "I am of the white guy lineage that conquered the world from the heathens, that wears a 'white hat,' that has anchored civilization since the launch of European empires. This gun tells you one thing; don't mess with me."
And I, Miserlou Cacayonnis, have 8 children, including a 9-year-old boy with facial hair.
Rob Schneider - June 11, 2017 - Report this comment
Here is a bit of true history for the CMLster:
Throughout most of history, men lived in harmony, hugging each other, playing in drum circles, eating organically grown food. But then several hundred years ago, sexual insecurity arose among white men. At first, all the white men did was kind of be quiet and curt with each other, but then finally one of them invented a solution to his insecurity: a gun. I believe the inventor's name was Bob Gun -- he named it after himself. And white males, upon seeing the new invention, said, "Well, this shall compensate for my lack of manhood. And now I will find people with darker skin than me and shoot them, because I am racist." And then white males unleashed on the world massacres, genocide, arrhythmic dancing, MAYO -- you know, white people stuff. And all because white people tried to handle their sexual insecurity by owning guns.
And incidentally, that was a huge success. Throughout history, gun owners have been known to have legendary sexual prowess, as reported by their wives and concubines. And as guns have become more powerful, the men who possess them have become more powerful in bed. In fact, today sometimes an AR-15 is prescribed as a marital aid.
Percy Dovetonsils - June 11, 2017 - Report this comment
Miserlou Cacayonnis and Rob Schneider, we do not allow Freudian psychology and satire, respectively, on this site.
I have a small penis and have never satisfied a woman. I am very open about that and don't feel the need to compensate by owning a firearm. In fact, I'm the president of the Sexually Inadequate Appreciation Society, which helps men like me and CML feel happy with their condition. You’ve probably seen our logo around; it's a bit pornographic, but it's also very small.
Real Man - June 11, 2017 - Report this comment
Wow; how you simpering eunuchs of the left do project your inadequacies onto others!
Real Socialist - June 11, 2017 - Report this comment
Hey, MC! Come to Venezuela! We outlawed guns years ago, and now we are a veritable paradise for people like you!
Miserlou Cacayonnis - June 12, 2017 - Report this comment
I suppose, like Iago, I could declare that the theft of a name is dishonorable:
"Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing;
'Twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him,
And makes me poor indeed."
But that lecture wouldn't be fitting for a Real Man or a Patriot or whatever risible sobriquet you choose for yourself. Anyway, you forlorn fairies who write at the third-grade level have no idea of who Iago might be. Take your gun, point it at your temple, and put yourself out of your miserlou!
Hop Harrigan - June 12, 2017 - Report this comment
You cowardly jerks aren't good enough to smell MC's sh*t!
Pops - June 12, 2017 - Report this comment
But you are because you have your nose buried so far up his azz!
CML - June 12, 2017 - Report this comment
I dont think last weekend's CML-themed multiple-sock-puppet-utilizing, shame sh*tstorm has done a thing to disprove the point I made on Friday, you know, the one about Epsilon-males projecting onto alpha males ..... What the Left does is not just propaganda, but agitation-propaganda; they try to stir you up with accusations so obnoxious and so off the wall, that you lose it. For example they're trying to goad me with sexual abuse and infer that I'm impotent because I turned the tables on their "guns are a cover for impotency" routine. And my response is, "This is the kind of thing you can do when you have no concern for objective truth whatsoever."
CML - June 12, 2017 - Report this comment
BTW, the comment about someone wanting to suck me off is a total disgrace and should be removed. I personally dont care because I think it makes a very important point -- that the pathological hatred is coming from the Left, and the accusations of "hate" by the Left is the grossest form of projection. On the other hand, this sort of thing drives readers away. This entire thread is making this site look like a lunatic asylum; the whole thing should be deleted ...... And lets not bring up free speech; most of comments are attempts to squelch free speech. They're nothing but attempts to shout down and intimidate opinions from the "Ungoodthinkers."
Sean B. - June 12, 2017 - Report this comment
Careful Reader - June 12, 2017 - Report this comment
CML: If you were to read accurately, you would see that the fellatio statement came from someone who usurped MC's name for the purpose of discrediting his phallic symbolism theory of gun fetishism, a peculiarly Right-wing ailment. This cowardly tactic has been used several times on a couple of threads recently, and clearly displays a Right-wing, anti-intellectual (much the same thing) disposition. As for the source of pathological behavior, that is in the eye of the beholder, and my eye goes to the very top of our social-political structure, which is now run by the coarsest of figures. To put a common-sense gloss on it all, this site is overwhelmingly Right-wing, and anybody with a Left philosophy, like MC and MP, have to be brave enough to take the brickbat blows and dirty tricks of the majority, who are emboldened by the permissiveness of the Internet. In spite of that, I would remove nothing from the record, and let all comments stay for the sake of history and as a rebuke to the special fools who characterize our Age. It is my guess that MC was trying to provoke the Right into their familiar behavior. He was apparently successful.
Agrimorfee - June 13, 2017 - Report this comment
Well written, even if I don't agree with the sentiments. Seriously, it would take a lot of more than just voting HRC--or Trump-- as President to dismantle the Constitution.

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