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Song Parodies -> "Flax Man"

Original Song Title:

"Taxman"

Original Performer:

Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"Flax Man"

Parody Written by:

Vegan Minstrel

The Lyrics

Let me tell you how it will be: Disease from meat and dairy.
I got the facts, man. Yeah, just the facts, man.
Live refreshment, good for all, old & big or young & small.
I got the facts, man. Yeah, just the facts, man.
If the hive is barred, you'll find fruit sweet.
If you buy the tit of chicken meat, you'll cry and spit and that's no treat, Baked or wokked, plants can't be beat.
Facts, man!
I got the facts, man. Yeah, just the facts, man.
Don't hassle 'bout cholesterol scores. (Don't, don't take a pill, son.)
If you need to improve yours. (Not like pullin' teeth).
Flax, man. Chia, hemp and flax, man.
Advice for those who want to thrive: flax, man.
To feel much more than just alive: flax, man.
You need some facts, man, yeah, just the facts, man.
Plant foods will surely keep you healthy.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 2.0
How Funny: 2.0
Overall Rating: 2.1

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - November 16, 2015 - Report this comment
Nice choice of OS; enjoyed reviewing the Beatles' song. Why don't we concentrate on ecologic and ethical bases for meat-avoidance? Wishful thinking re "staying healthy" permeates vegetarian, general, even health-policy populations. Staying healthy means not getting identifiable chronic diseases, e.g. coronary heart disease, cancer, Alzheimer's etc; for most of these, the cause is not well worked out, and diet cannot be shown in intervention trials to have a beneficial effect (statistical 'associations' are frequently found, but are much more wobbly). Avoiding addiction - smoking, alcohol, and controlling diabetes is clear-cut; reducing excessive salt, fat, sugar, and body-weight might mildly improve the relative risk of certain diseases. Delusionment on the other hand is a widespread condition propagated by inflated health claims. Eat tofu or arugula because you like it(as I do); beef is a poor choice for sentient citizens of a crowded planet.
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - November 16, 2015 - Report this comment
Oops! meant to say "disillusionment" (although belief in the benefits of health-products or foods occasionally reach the stage of "delusion").
Patrick - November 16, 2015 - Report this comment
Your parodies on behalf of fiber are becoming a "regular" feature on this site. Security code: PKG. A package of something healthful, I presume.
Victor Lindlahr - November 16, 2015 - Report this comment
GC writes "reducing excessive salt, [saturated] fat, sugar, and body-weight might mildly improve the relative risk of certain diseases." Those measures, ipso facto, drive one away from processed food and meat, and toward a plant-based diet. Barring fads like flax and any comestible nostrum promoted by Dr. Oz, a plant-based diet as advocated by the WHO, American Heart Association, Harvard School of Public Health, etc., promotes surcease from disease. These health-policy organizations are not apt to engage in "wishful thinking." Therefore, vegetarianism is a conscious choice of health-seekers. Controlling diabetes, avoiding smoking and, presumably, refraining from slashing your wrists as being good for your health is a tautology. Eating ten ounces each of blueberries and dark red cherries a day, as well as taking a brisk one-hour walk, will literally cause you to glow with health and improve your vocabulary immeasurably.
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - November 17, 2015 - Report this comment
Victor: With faculties purring due to anti-oxidants, digest the term "neutraceutical". St John's wort for depression, saw palmetto for urinary tract symptoms, and echinacea have all been a bust when rigorously tested. Those allergic to grass should be on the alert for products with echinacea; kidney stones and GI disorders may be worsened by vegetables; calcium to 'prevent osteoporosis' may increase cardiovascular risk. "You are what you eat" - perhaps, but there is a huge terra incognita. VM's "facts" will require long-term controlled trials to verify. Jose's advocacy of Spam may be as enlightened as other bits of unverified dietary advice. More importantly, what you eat reflects stances on ethics and the environment.
Patrick - November 18, 2015 - Report this comment
Everyone eventually dies from something.
vegan minstrel - November 18, 2015 - Report this comment
The paisan doctor doesn't acknowledge the mountain of science compiled at nutritionfacts dot org? I leave you singing "you don't need fish for omega 3" with the melody of the song posted here.
Flaxman - November 19, 2015 - Report this comment
Err on the side of caution, friends.
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - November 19, 2015 - Report this comment
@VM; I strongly recommend the position papers honed via multi-author input at the site of the NIH branch, National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health. You are paying for their high standards with your tax dollars. Other sites you mention might involve accumulation of 'data' by a single enthusiast in an area of uncertainty. Of diseases we have already conquered, only a few like scurvy, ricketts and beriberi are attributable to nutritional factors, and cured by diet or vitamin supplementation. Nutrition and natural remedies have played little part in 'mountains' of other conquered diseases, e.g. smallpox, tuberculosis, polio, malaria, sepsis, hormone deficiencies, valvular heart disease. Everyone would like to see more easy cures; but endless trials of the fad nutriceutical or diet of the day seem less important than attention to global child nutrition, equitable delivery of health care, preservation of species and environment, etc.etc.
Victor Lindlahr - November 19, 2015 - Report this comment
@GC -- I think you are, in part, missing the point. Nobody but charlatans prescribe certain foods or supplements to cure smallpox, TB, etc. (I remember well that Steve McQueen died of cancer despite his treatment with laetrile, an extract of the apricot pit.) However, according to the source you recommend, a good diet plays a powerful role in preventing diseases which are the leading causes of mortality. From http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK11795/
Disease Control Priorities in Developing Countries. 2nd edition.
Chapter 44 Prevention of Chronic Disease by Means of Diet and Lifestyle Changes
Walter C. Willett, Jeffrey P. Koplan, Rachel Nugent, Courtenay Dusenbury, Pekka Puska, and Thomas A. Gaziano
"Prospective epidemiological studies, some randomized prevention trials, and many short-term studies of intermediate endpoints such as blood pressure and lipids have revealed a good deal about the specific dietary and lifestyle determinants of major chronic diseases. Most of these studies have been conducted in Western countries, in part because of the historical importance of these diseases in the West, but also because they have the most developed research infrastructure. A general conclusion is that reducing identified, modifiable dietary and lifestyle risk factors could prevent most cases of CAD, stroke, diabetes, and many cancers among high-income populations (Willett 2002)."
The learned chapter is chock-a-block with familiar dietary recommendations such as one would find in WebMD.
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - November 20, 2015 - Report this comment
@"Victor". Don't think I missed the point, but I have learned things while checking further. Remember I am already a non-meat eater; (also skinny as a rail, BP of 105/60). #1.If the world pop'n primarily followed a Med. diet (with limited non-red meat), it might still be in order to oppose hunting, burning forests for farm/pastureland, raising animals in inhumane conditions. #2. Impressive falls in incidence in heart disease in Finland with directed programs reflect the dramatic decline in smoking. Heart disease is as much 'toxicologic', including slovenly lifestyle, as nutritional in origin (and I suspect nitrites in cured meats may be shown to contribute to nasty results). #3. Evidence for a role of food supplements in cancer is thin (9 controlled trials of anti-oxidants show no effect in cancer prevention); same for parkinson's, Alzheimer's, rheumatoid arthritis etc, unless a brand-new mechanism can be identified. #4. Nutritionists seem to deny other disease mechanisms which leave them on the sidelines, e.g. Smallpox no longer exists, eradicated by vaccination.

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