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Song Parodies -> "Guilty: 34"
Original Song Title:
"When I'm 64"
Original Performer:
Beaties
Parody Song Title:
"Guilty: 34"
Parody Written by:
Pol Potlatch An' Pals
The Lyrics
He’s an old man with combover hair
Fat gut like a sow
Hours of deliberation: only nine
He’ll start appealing in no time
Got no quarter from the jury
They could see the score
Tried to impede it, part of a screech fit
Bet he’s really sore
He’s got a troll crew
Composed mainly of turds
They’re all guilty too
Soon the court handed him the bad news
Guilty of a con
His lawyers' BS just couldn’t turn the tide
Jury like prosecution’s side
He had a hardon once with Stormy
Bought her off before
The 2016 vote, helped by sick team
Then Cohen got gored
It’s a bummer he bought ’er, they caught ’em
But he failed at instilling jury fear
His defense team caved
Guilty, obviously
His ass wasn’t saved
He’ll go back to Mar to cry and whine
Like a child of two
But our fate will not be sealed until the day
They put this POS away
He got his answer straight from the court
Didn’t buy his snorts
Now that’s he’s seen it, we’ll see more scream fits
Fingers are so short
Fat gut like a sow
Hours of deliberation: only nine
He’ll start appealing in no time
Got no quarter from the jury
They could see the score
Tried to impede it, part of a screech fit
Bet he’s really sore
He’s got a troll crew
Composed mainly of turds
They’re all guilty too
Soon the court handed him the bad news
Guilty of a con
His lawyers' BS just couldn’t turn the tide
Jury like prosecution’s side
He had a hardon once with Stormy
Bought her off before
The 2016 vote, helped by sick team
Then Cohen got gored
It’s a bummer he bought ’er, they caught ’em
But he failed at instilling jury fear
His defense team caved
Guilty, obviously
His ass wasn’t saved
He’ll go back to Mar to cry and whine
Like a child of two
But our fate will not be sealed until the day
They put this POS away
He got his answer straight from the court
Didn’t buy his snorts
Now that’s he’s seen it, we’ll see more scream fits
Fingers are so short
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
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| 1 | 481 | 481 | 481 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 3 | 3 | 3 |
User Comments
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If he is guilty, what is he guilty of? What law did he break? There was no law specified. I'd like to say this was a total kangaroo court result .. but that would be a grievous insult to hundreds of years of Kangaroo Jurisprudence
CML, are you really that blind? Your mind is totally FOXed up.
"Show me the man, and I'll show you the crime." (If there's no crime—as in Trump's case—we'll just make something up.)
See, if Trump weighs the same as a duck... then, he's made of wood!
It's fun to sing that.
I had an orgasm as Ari Melber of MSNBC read off each guilty count, one by one. It was multiple orgasms.
The last comment tagged as me is not; I would think of something that actually makes sense.
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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