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Song Parodies -> "Drunkard’s Tipplin’ Streak"

Original Song Title:

"Up on Cripple Creek"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Drunkard’s Tipplin’ Streak"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

CHARTREUSE: green or yellow French liqueur. GLAUCOUS: greenish-yellow. WORMWOOD: one of the botanicals in absinthe. JACK: applejack. BLACK HORSE: brand of beer. BROTHERS: Christian Brothers, low-quality jug wine. SLOE: sloe gin, sweet liqueur made from sloe (Blackthorn) berries. CORKED: The term “corked wine” refers to a wine contaminated with cork taint, which can happen if the wine is bottled with a TCA-infected cork. TCA is a chemical compound that forms when there’s contact between fungi naturally found in cork and certain cleaning products. ARAK: Middle Eastern anise-flavored spirit. CRU: wine term used to indicate a high-quality vineyard or group of vineyards. NUN: Blue Nun, sweet German white wine. PHYLLOXERA (Daktulosphaira vitifoliae, family Phylloxeridae, superfamily Aphidoidea): a pest of commercial grapevines worldwide, originally native to eastern North America. These tiny, pale yellow sap-sucking insects, related to aphids, attack the roots of grape vines. The insects and secondary fungal infections can girdle roots, gradually cutting off the flow of nutrients and water to the vine. TUN: a large wine cask.
Drenched: wine jets glommed from a spoutin’;
you know where it all will go—
Straight down to mingle with my liver,
booze I gulp up; let it flow.
I’ll take Chartreuse, be hammered.
Spit-up messy hurl, a glaucous hue.
Cheeks rosy, got some bloodshot eyes…
drink up anything in my purview.

Drunkard’s tipplin’ streak, on bender,
gotta take a leak—remember
men’s room…quickly seek; out comes my gender.
A drunkard’s stream if I ever did pee one.

Drunken tipples pique some members
of my little clique, who render
terms of pure critique…with words dismember
the drunkard teams of which I surely be one.

Wormwood for my tummy—
off to taste ’jack I did go;
also score Black Horse and gin,
and I’d get me some Brothers and Sloe.
The odds were that I’d savor
it all; by 5:00 be done.
Some might nag that gin takes you down the track
sure enough leads to rum.

“Mustn’t tipple!” speaks the rev’rend—
digitally seeks a revved one.
For him, hornly week; he tries to clench ’em.
A punch to teeth, then his lechery be done.

I took a cup and dripped in it
Beaujolais that’s best to quaff
before it sucks and ruined is the taste—
stuff’s corked; I’ll pass.
Pumped many drinks down piehole wide, whirled
because I sure had to pee.
I piddled then for sure, floor’s brined…
zipped my pole up and did flee.

Drunken piddle creek, I’d wettened
the floor with my leak’s strong jettin’.
Now the floorboards creak—new ones, must get ’em.
I must have streamed more than had ever been done.

Ow! Me and my mate blacked out on Arak;
we’d had spiced Rhône on the rocks.
She said, “I can't stand those flavored drinks—
it’s like gluggin’ beer with pox.”
Non-cru crud made her start to sob;
she was bobbin’ on her feet.
And I swore (actually, just pure bull):
“That bevy crap is sweet!”

Drunken tipple freak, ingestin’
junk that's triple sweet; investin’
in pumpin’ this treat to my intestine—
A drunkard's dream if I ever sipped sweet Nun.

Now I have chugged stout in California;
drams o’ port and beer that’s cold.
But I’m swiggin’ on a clone
that’s messed up—isn’t mold!
So I’ll express, cough up Phylloxera,
return to extollin’ gin.
I now can't keep down red wines, exceptin’
That gloriously peppery Zin.

Drunken tipple freak, ingestin’
jug junk, far from weak; investin’
in pumpin’ this treat to my intestine—
A drunkard's dream…ripped whenever I bleed tuns.

Crumbled metal creaks—my fender’s
ripped up…pretty bleak…rear-ender.
This just ain’t my week…need a bail-lender.
So drunk was me, my road-trippin’ days be done.

[fade on drunken sobbing]

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 28

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 5   26

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