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Song Parodies -> "Uh-uh Mama, I Don't Wanna"

Original Song Title:

"Hello Muddah, Hellos Faddah"

Original Performer:

Allan Sherman

Parody Song Title:

"Uh-uh Mama, I Don't Wanna"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

Whose kidhood _never_ at least occasionally featured a similar dinner table battles? :-)
Scroll down and click on OS title link here to sing along with a midi.
[instrumental intro]

Uh-uh, Mama, I don’t wanna
eat those veggies! I ain’t gonna!
I don’t care ’bout cake you’re savin’
and I’ll sit here ’til tomorrow ’fore I cave in.

All those stories that you’re tryin’
to make me eat, I ain’t buyin’.
Even you know that’s a lame one
’bout those starvin’ Asian kids – can you just name one?

Feed me cabbage? Bring the bucket --
if I eat it, I’ll upchuck it.
Rutabaga makes me vomit.
Gimme cheese like Wallace shares with his dog, Grommet.

Heck with Popeye, don’t like spinach
and I’ll fight you to the finish
’fore I eat it … looks like seaweed
my suggestion’s that you simply keep it GE®’ed.

Once you tripped me up with turnips that you’d whipped
to masquerade as mashed potatoes.
Ma, that was dirty, rotten way to treat your son!

But that tipped your hand, left me hip, well-equipped
to recognize as such your lies,
and now instead of one bite I’ll always eat none.

On the cob corn’s pretty yummy,
but as pudding gooey, gummy,
and’ll sure in under two ticks
make me sound as if I’m trying to sell Buicks.[1]

Okra, eggplant, and all squashes
I consider toxic noshes,
also almost ev’ry tuber,
and I won’t eat any peas unless they’re goober. [2]

[brief instrumental bridge]

That veal patty I’ve a hunch is
just like “myst’ry meat” school lunches,
and if you make me eat liver
my GI tract will become an In’jun giver.

That Braunsweiger, so disgusting,
leads to downthroat finger thrusting.
Put it back in the Amana®,[3]
Mama, won’t you please, and give me a banana?

Ev’ry meal! Oh Mama Mama! Can’t we deal?
I feel harassed and you feel sassed.
There’s got to be a better way, can’t you be versatile?

Must you win at ev’ry breakfast, lunch, and din-
ner, Ma? In time I’ll learn that I’m
the one who’s missing out on good stuff, but meanwhile …

Shredded Wheat’s® like eatin’ wicker ...
you’ll see me eat baskets quicker.
Over breakfast must we duel?
Grape-Nuts® didn’t do much, did they, for old Ewell?[4]

Kellogg’s Cornflakes® without sugar?
Tho’ I’d rather eat a booger,
I still eat’em ’cause I’m we-eak --
I’m addicted to those toys from Battle Cre-eek.

[instrumental outro]

[1] That’s to say, “buiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiik!” -- onomatopoetic vomit slang I never heard until my kids employed it in just such scenarios as this parody describes.
[2] Goober peas -- a southern colloquialism meaning peanuts, presumed derived from the Bantu language.
[3] Yeah, yeah, it was General Electric fridge a couple verses back. Poetic license.
[4] Ewell Gibbons, noted naturalist and TV pitchman for fiber-rich Post Grape-Nuts® cereal until his somewhat ironically death from colon cancer.

© Stan Hall 11/14/2008

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   9
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User Comments

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alvin - November 17, 2008 - Report this comment
lmao...brilliant...especially liked the asian kids bit...with me, it was cauliflower
Michael Pacholek - November 17, 2008 - Report this comment
True story: Back in the early Fifties, my grandmother told my mother, "Eat! There are children starving in Europe!" And Mom told Grandma, "Then let them have my dinner!" Fast-forward 25 years, and Mom tells me, "Never eat anything if you don't know what it is." Fast-forward a little later, and she says, "Eat this." I don't know what it is, so I ask, "What is it?" And she says, "Just eat it!" I don't remember what it was, but it was awful. And you mentioned okra. She served us that once. It was dreadful. My father called it "slimy lizard limbs." I think he gave that stuff too much credit. I'm prescribing five doses of Maalox for you. I'm also slapping you upside the head for making me remember those stories!
Stan - November 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Alvin -- me, too, re cauliflower ... and all other cabbage family veggies. It occurred to me after maybe 50-some years of cabbage-hating that the vague itching eating it has always produced in my gums is probably indicative of an allergy I'm lucky isn;t throat-closingly severe. I guess I'm a slower study than Sarah Palin. :-)

MP -- If I had a nickel for every time I was fed the "starving [whatever]s" line as a kid I'd qualify for an Obama tax raise. :-) BR> Fact is, my mom was for the most part a _terrible_ cook who served _terrible_ stuff (like okra, aka snotweed). MS-raised, her version of cooking was "everything's either gotta be frah'ed or balwed." Most things cooked the former way tended to be alchemized to leather and most things receiving the latter treatment became a gloppy pudding-like mess and "flavored" with vinegar. Barf-o-rama. I hated almost everything. Happily for me, I married a great cook and also learned to cook myself, and now eat and enjoy just about everything -- tho still no cabbagey stuff! :-)
Agrimorfee - November 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Good job on all those veggies, although I do like squash baked with brown sugar--and uncooked spinach is wonderful in a salad. Technical critique--I couldn't match the pace on the 2 bridges compared to the rest of the verses...maybe I need some more roughage...I'll just not vote right now until I see a video.
LilRetroCakes - November 17, 2008 - Report this comment
sir Stan duke 0'Hallowed Halls~ Love the "Injun giver" line: so very Retro this be! Oh sure , a few of these 'dishes', they tried to push on me & my sistas! Today, I love most veggies, but I prefer them fresh w/dressing or just lightly seasoned. No mush, . . . . please, sir !!
PMS - November 17, 2008 - Report this comment
I can totally relate to this. My mother was a woman of many talents, but cooking was not one of them, especially veggies. My aversion to things like lima beans, sweet potatoes and squash is to this day a family legend.
Stan - November 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Agri, LRC, and PMS.
Agri -- bridge pacing seemed to work for me per the supplie OS link, but then it's always easy to make one's own lyrics work. :-) (Actually, the "... -ner, Ma? In time I’ll learn that I’m" is a tad torquey even when I sing it.) OH NO! Security code is "SH3" ... might that be prophetic of 3 for _S_tan _H_all? :-)
AFW - November 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Lots of clever lines
Ann Hammond - November 17, 2008 - Report this comment
he he he he he
Stan - November 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Ann, AFW ...grazie!
Doug Baseball - November 18, 2008 - Report this comment
Great lines; my mom had to blend a lot of stuff into spaghetti sauce when I was see little before I'd eat it, as I'd only eat spaghetti. And if I ate anything else, she'd get this shocked look that looked like someone would seeing Abe LIncoln walk into the room or somtehing. LOL. She'd fall off her chair if I finished the plate. But, I've grown to like most veggies; thankfully, she was a good cook. Though I do hope Heaven has it the way I envision - everything tastes like your favorite food, even the veggies.
TJC - February 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Just stumbled on this brilliant gem-o-lexecution!
Andria - May 08, 2009 - Report this comment
I too just stumbled upon this gem. I have more or less subsisted on junk food for life, and have ended up with a figure resembling that of Kirstie Alley at her heaviest and a very high risk of heart disease, among many other things, as a result. The braunschweiger, the veal patty and the shredded wheat were all that sounded good to me, except for the parody's content, which warrants some 5s.

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