Text to a Morris Widow (Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah)

Hello Missus, hello farters,
To this Ring Meeting, I'm a martyr,
Toxic toilets, fumes not waning,
But they say they'll be fresh air when they've got drains in!
Drinking Morlands seems quite wreckless,
And we're all now nearly legless.
You remember Leonard Skinner
He got alcohol poisoning last night after dinner.
We're all letching for a waitress
Dropping cutlery she retrievess.
She ignores us, keeping busy
But one squire declined the sight 'cos he's a sissy!
Now I don't want this to scare ya
In his hot quilt he's quite bare-yeh.
We have named him Ivor Hardy
After last night's dawn excursion to the kazi!

Take me home, no more a martyr,
I can't sleep from all the farters.
Don't leave me-that squire's begun to stare
I might get eaten by him bare!
Take me home I promise I will not make noise
When I return with all the boys.
Oh please take me away
I've been here one whole day!

Hello sweetheart, darling missus
You're so precious, you're delicious.
Let me come home if you miss me.
I will even let you're mother hug and kiss me!
Wait a minute, it's started pouring
Won't be dancing in the morning.
In a tavern with a beverage.
So my dearest missus disregard this message!