Song Parodies -> "50 Reasons Romney Lost"

Original Song Title:

"50 Ways to Say Goodbye"

Original Performer:

"50 Reasons Romney Lost"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

I'm just too old and white
I lean far too the right
They all thought Bain a mortal sin
A Sandy act of God
Or was it Akin, Todd
That made it so I couldn't win

Don't know, but if the press asks why I lost I'm gonna say

It was Clint's empty chair skit
Orca just got stranded
Never gave the Paul crowd what they all demanded
Help me, help me
Egg is all over my face
People don't trust the Mormons
Jersey Shore was stormin'
Christie praised Obama, darn that global warmin'
Help me, help me
I've just lost this race
I've had my fall from grace

Did Soros rig the vote
Was it all what I wrote
When I said let Detroit fall down (Detroit fall down)
Needed more cash as well
From Sugar Daddy Shel
And why was Mourdock such a clown?

Don't know, but if the press asks why I lost I'm gonna say

People took me for Limbaugh
Couldn't get Latinos
Or maybe that one time I ran clear out of Beano
Help me, help me
Egg's all over my face
I could not win the Asians
Younger voters either
Maybe for my rallies I should have hired Seether
Help me, help me
I've just lost this race
Not in a happy place

I wanna run again soon, in '16
But Ann won't let me; oh she's so mean
Wives: just ONE's too many!

Don't know, but if the press asks why I lost I'll blame the gays
Don't know, but if the press asks why I lost I'm gonna say

I messed up while in England
Ryan was a faker
Said 47% were victims, takers
Help me, help me
Egg's all over my face
I was too much like Bush, and
Too close to Bibi
Too much a hawk, it gave folks the heebie-jeebies
Help me, help me
I have lost this race

I could not get Wisconsin
Blame it on Paul Ryan
Couldn't win that Florida, though I was really tryin'
Help me, help me
Egg's all over my face
Rove misspent all our money
Ain't that so funny?
Tried to win with vinegar when what you need is honey
Help me, help me
I have lost this race
Oh, gone without a trace

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Callmelennie - November 12, 2012 - Report this comment

Don't agree with some points, but your gist is accurate. One suggestion I have would be to hook up hard core Socons to electrodes and then send electric shocks thru them whenever they attempt to talk about their feelings as to whether rape victims should have access to routine treatment to prevent embryos from forming. For crying out loud, create a rape exception in your theology, so that human life doesn't begin the instant a RAPIST's seed unites with a women's ovum ... because a rape is a vile corruption of the act that creates human life. It's that simple

Hu's On First - November 12, 2012 - Report this comment

Actually, Immanuel Kant believed something like that. He thought that anyone conceived out of wedlock (including through rape) didn't have rights because anyone who came into existence through a violation of the law (meaning natural law, not necessarily civil law) couldn't possibly be under the law, or protected by it. There don't seem to be that many Kantians around anymore, though. Probably because a very high percentage of Americans these days would have no rights according to Kant, if you know what I mean.

John Jenkins - November 12, 2012 - Report this comment

A fairly accurate list, although with most of the reasons, it was more a case of perception than reality. Not sure about the Beano line, but it was a good one.

Hu's On First - November 20, 2012 - Report this comment

The Beano line was just a total joke, implying that Romney farted (which never actually happened). I put it in there only because it rhymed with Latino, to be honest. Nothing else seemed to rhyme.

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