Hang in the Shire and eat crap tons
Then I drink from the tapped ones
See my hairy people party till dawn
Don’t give me lip service
Adventures are so senseless
No, I don’t get out and don’t like to brawl

Hear me groan, I’m fat and lazy
Gold ring on my pinkie
That I’m gonna snub
Gandalf is a creep
Cause he wants to send me running
To go burn this trophy

I yawn, Won’t you go away?
Whine on this hike
Old man’s out of his mind
No, no, no, no…
Grind of a hike
Just want to chomp pork rinds
No, no, no, no…
Must be crazed fighting Ringwraiths
Heading off to Mount Doom, lame…
It makes me frown
Rolling my eyes with Samwise
To get rid of this ring dude
No, no, no, no…

Fight Orc baddies and their Warg hounds
Sauron’s causing strange crimes
In this Elven town
We’ll add on some guys
Grab Legolas and Gimli
This quest is pretty silly

With brawn we are gonna slay
While on this hike
Just wanna chug some wine
No, no, no, no….
Sigh on this hike
It’s second breakfast time
No, no, no, no…
Arrows graze straight through your brain
Heading off to Mount Doom, lame…
Aragorn pounds
With his great might scores a wife
Arwen’s such a hottie dude
Go, go, go, go…

For a Taxi I should send
Don’t care what I have to spend
No…
Where are Merry and Pippin?
Chillin with the wooden Ents
No…

Gollum’s such an insane friend
He wants us Hobbits-es dead
No…
Bit my finger for “Precious”
Now he burns in that crevice
No…

It’s done and it’s such a pain
Screw this damn hike
Why couldn’t we just fly?!
No, no, no, no…
Please no more hikes
Where many people died
No, no, no, no…
Weed I’ll blaze then catch some rays
Finally done with Mount Doom, lame…
I slashed some clowns
Gonna chomp pie, No more strife
Since I got rid of that ring, Dude
No, no, no, no…