Everyone listen up

You're attracted to a gal or dude
But you don't want to be mean or crude
Maybe just for a night
Or for a longer while
Might want to put on a smiiiiiile

Okay, here's what you do
Clean up, get real squeaky
Learn proper decency
Be you, but not too freaky
Don't be too overweight
Dress nicely for your date
Have social skills first-rate
And then when you will have a

Good tiiiiiiime
While in a bedroom
So it's not a dead room
Give them some head room
Don't get it on 'tiiiiiil
To bonk they wanna
(Whether in bed or on a
Couch or inside a sauna)

You want some good tiiiiiiimes
It's pretty simple
Find someone like you
Be a good person
And get a haircut
Please be well rounded
Emotionally grounded
No problems compounded
Everyone listen up!

Say you go to dinner
Followed by a movie
What do you do next time
Try an ice rink, maybe a zoo!
Or go skydiving
Or to the theater
Or play some paintball
There is no limit

Okay, here's more advice
Don't be all prejudicial
Don't get on the bad side
Of a public official
If you don't want no drama
Won't be a dad or mama
BC is what you wanna
Know how to use

And I'll remind youuuuuu
Communication
'Bout fornication
Helps exhilaration
You should neeeeveeeer
Bottle up your problems
Talk about them nicely
Be constructive, PLEASE

If you want good tiiiiiimes
When you are dating
And maybe mating
Don't be irritating
Well, you should prob'ly
Have nice skirts or pants and
Learn some good romancin'
And maybe also dancin'

One thing I ask of you
(Once again) You should always, always ask to
Get inside their pants, and if you don't then you
Are a rapist with a brain composed entirely of poo
And listen up when I say you should
Make sure your partner, male or female, feels really good
Hope your mom and/or dad
Raised you to tell
That without a shower you'll really smell
Better figure out the difference
Between being a butt-munch and confidence
(Hint: If you're anxious or insecure
It's not even remotely confidence, I'm sure)
Oh, but just now, you said
You screwed someone that just passed out in your bed
Well, that makes me want to angrily
Get a hammer to bash in your evil head

Don't get all stalkyyyyy
Sometimes they're busy
Don't get so dizzy
Or into a tizzy
If they don't call back
Within an hour
Don't be too sour
Go take a shower

If you want good tiiiiiimes
You'll win and lose some
You might refuse some
Go out and choose some
Nice man or woman
(Or genderqueer human)
Is their heart a-zoomin'?
If not then get a move on

Come on, just grow up