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Song Parodies -> "Firing Guns"

Original Song Title:

"Shooting Guns"

Original Performer:

Phil Alexander

Parody Song Title:

"Firing Guns"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Here is another version of Phil's parody, except this time it is factual concerning the firearms. I have altered many of the lines with a different syllable count and changed the entire last list to actually rhyme. I can do this as this is a parody-of-a-parody and not the OS.
Firing guns, firing guns
Firing guns, guns, guns
Shooting loads of ammunition is formidable fun
Terrifying, but inspiring
I feel mighty when I'm firing, firing
Guns! guns! guns! guns! guns!

I’m an incurable automatic weapon maniac
Taking out targets on full-auto is like a “metalstorm” attack
Burst of AK-47 with “three line” magazines
Or alternately a FAMAS (bullpup), Steyr AUG, or M16

[.50s are nifty too, but that size is just obscene]

Firing guns, firing guns
Firing guns, guns, guns
Selecting rounds for pistols new and past, is such fun
I think I will never swap-out
Any .40 cal for a 9 (mm) round
Firing guns, guns, guns, guns, guns!!

I used to get my satisfaction throwing lethal edged weapons
But now I'm into .40s, 7.62, and 5.56 which is heaven
Selective fire, single sporters, Tac pumps - I will take the lot
I don't think there's any type of gun or ammo that I have not shot

[Folks that know me already think of me as a weapons freak crackpot]

Firing guns, firing guns
Firing guns, guns, guns
A wild man with a shotgun, don't need hunting to discharge one
Type of weapon- hard decision? Hmm...
Carefully chose my ammunition
Firing guns, guns, guns, guns, guns!!

On any given day you will probably find me on a range
Does anyone think firing 2000 rounds per week is strange?
I do not know why they're so worried, doesn't everyone agree
That there's nothing more alarming than shooting sprees on TV???

[Of course, that would NEVER, EVER apply to ME!!!]

Firing guns, firing guns
Firing guns, guns, guns
I'm real choosy – hate the Uzi – the climb is not much fun
I am so completely smitten
With the MP-5 which is GERMAN
Firing guns, guns, guns, guns, guns!!

I pulled the trigger on a MG-3 machine gun
But the ammo belt ran out from inside the attached drum
Buying cartridges at the gun shop, there is so much to pay
But I love all the sporters, courtesy of the NRA

Firing guns, firing guns
Firing guns, guns, guns
Now Vollmer made the MP-40, “Schmeisser” was in WW1
(how could the Allies be so dumb)
Firing, firing, firing, firing, firing,
firing, firing, firing, firing
Guns, guns, guns, guns, guns!!

[Some advice]

Resist Ruger
HK better, or
A Walther
Forget Armalite
AK was built to fight
Choose TMP Beretta, or
Use Uzi heavy hitter
Future is Nikonov
Old Enfield never enough
Lethal is the FAL
Black powder guns? Loud, and that smell...
Sniping? Use a Dragunov
Or the German PSG-1
All this firepower
Fiiiiiiring guuuuuns!!!!
Note: Did this conversion in 3 minutes off the top of my head. No research- all experience.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.9
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 3.6

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Anon - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
Grudge motivation leads to bad parody, and this one is bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. Phil's was snappy and punchy, with an edge of ruefulness. Your syllable-heavy version is as leaden and overstuffed as the Prussian Hindenburg. Asperger diagnosis stands, especially considering the familiar symptom of repetitive behavior when, predictably, you roll out the sabermetrics of your productivity. Comment written in 8 seconds.
Thoughtful Reader - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
Your vaunted facts are as nothing. Apparently, your poetic license has been lifted.
Rob Arndt - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
Anon comments are worthless and a dime a dozen, as is grudge 111 voting. No surprise there. But I will address my corrections line-by-line starting in V2 where Phil had mixed rifles (AK, and AR15) with pistols (Browning, Glock), Colt could go either way (M1911A-1 for instance or M16). I kept the verse aligned with the rifles only since his emphasis was on automatic weapons and led with the AK. V3 I kept strictly pistols in .40 and 9mm. V4 I modified the calibers up to today's standard with .40 S&W, 7.62mm Russian, and 5.56 NATO. Phil screwed up with .303 as no one is shooting this and his .22 is now popular .22LR. V5 is strictly shotgun which can fire multiple shell sizes. V6 expanded concerns over shooting at the range with description of 2000 rounds fired (HRU type practice too excessive for a normal civilian shooter). V7 is SMGs and corrects the fun Uzi firing. An instructor was recently killed by one through an accident with a 9 yr old girl. It's climb is dangerous. Replaced by the modern MP-5 which to many is the greatest SMG ever built. Easy to handle and 40+ versions.V8 replaces the minigun nonsense with a realistic MG and people buy cartridges, NOT bullets (the bullet is only part of the round). Added the NRA to replace USA. V9 addresses the "Schmeisser" error and the V10 list was revised to rhyme and reflects arms available to the public and some that are military. My parody was written by a true shooter while Phil's was written lazily by a non-shooter who made multiple mistakes. Besides his alluded to penis joke with the HK, what is so funny about the rest of his list of weapons? Following the Anon guidelines, all AiR humor MUST be absurd. Phil's was not and neither is mine. Guns are a sore subject with most Americans and people around the world... Heavy with info and terminology, my parody is at least more accurate and structured than Phil's. And to the person suggesting AS, in my life that would be "Adult Swim" humor :)
Agrimorfee - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
There is nothing wrong about Asperger's...many AIR contributors have some level of SPD, autism, or other issues. As the father of a child with Asperger's, I would state that Anon really has no business trying to diagnose Mr. Arndt. But Rob, I would posit to you once again everything that I said in the previous comments that inspired your latest work. DKTOS so I won't vote, but there is some amusing lines...if taken as satire.
Callmlelennie - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
I seriously doubt, Agrimorfee, that many AIR contributors has Symphisis Pubic Dysfunction (SPD) as that is a muscle-skeletal problem in a woman's pelvis generally caused by delivering a large baby. Seeing as how about 85% of AIR parodists appear to be men and seeing as how there is no connection between pelvic discomfort and song parodying ability, I don't see how you can possibly conclude, Ag, tha- ........ Wait a minute, when you said SPD, did you mean "Sensory Processing Disorder?" Oh, if that be the case, I can "see" that. In retrospect, I may have had SPD myself, as I was unable to drive a car until I was 21. And I would also agree about the role of Asperger's, and ADD (not sure about autism) in creating an ability to do parodies at a high level. Hyperfunction in one area frequently arises out of disability in another area
Rob Arndt - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
CML, you seem to confuse basic high productivity with hyperfunctionality or OCD, which is not the case. I was raised in a German household and so my work ethic from the beginning was extremely high and in every job I've worked I exceeded the standard. As simple as that. I find it amusing that JAB doesn't draw the same remarks even though he is a numbers man too and posted entire blocks of parodies BEFORE I ever came here. He beat me with 100 compiled parodies submitted for 1 day (I had the previous record of 22)! So the double standards here are evident. And WHY is it that some people here think that if I post huge amounts of parodies that I either have no life or have an illness? What about plain old productivity? I'm sure there are very hard workers here... so yes, that is baffling to me. And also, I write whatever comes to mind on any given day. No crime in that. So, do I really need to explain myself to anyone here? No. I would never try to diagnose anyone here. Coming from high traffic NGs and forums I recognize the patterns... which are the same. AiR is no different as a moderated site. Same self-appointed critics, same trolls, same name-calling and labeling, etc... yawn...
Agrimorfee - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
To answer your rhetorical question, it's not that you post hundreds of parodies, it's your high-falutin', patronizing, condescending attitude toward your critics and other writers. You will note that Mr. Barry does not do anything remotely within the realm of penning reams of words correcting the misapplied calibres of weaponry used in a simple satire, essays on Nazism etc., or puffs his chest about submitting more parodies in 3.5 years than others. This is supposed to be an entertaining, humorous website, and the space you take up within it with your emotional outbursts sometimes is exasperating and frustrating.
Patrick - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
Rob, you have made repeated references over the years to an illness. I hope you have overcome it. I am not familiar with the original song or a previous parody. I have some familiarity with firearms. I saw the video of the little girl with the Uzi. I think the fear of recoil causes an overreaction on the part of a shooter with little familiarity with automatic firearms. There is a nasty habit, often seen on youtube, of handing high-powered shotguns and pistols to a young women who don't know fundamental safety habits then watching with amusement as the recoil brings the gun into her face or over her head. As for diagnosing AIR contributors online, I think someone once called me a Nazi or its equivalent. That is political, rather than psychological, I know, but a lot of people get the two confused. I wish I had the access and the funds to experiment with as many guns as you have. Look online for an MP3 of "Prepared For Killing" by Kathy Gregory. She says it is a satire, and that she doesn't own or use guns, but her lyrics show no glaring technical errors. You could look up my "Sixteen Guns". Unlike "PFK", it is mostly factual. I recall John Barry's 100 songs in one day posting. But who has the time to read so many? Better to spread them out so they can be enjoyed and fully appreciated.
Callmelennie - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
Rob, nothing I said was directed at you. I don't make a habit of attacking people who aren't attacking me, and I certainly wouldn't take a cheap shot at someone (ie, you) who has supported me here from the beginning. I'm just agreeing with Ag that extra-ordinary abilities in one thing, which we all in fact possess, are frequently linked, by the process of psychological compensation, to below average abilities in other things ...... For example, I was functioning at sub-Gomer Pyle levels of competence during Army Basic Training; then I went to DLI, and became one of the best Arabic linguists in the history of US Army. Apparently, the linguistic center of my brain developed at the expense of my "keeping one's sh*t together" center ....... And to Ag -- I was officially diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome at the age of four; no doubt because I didn't say a word for about a year prior. I think the psychologist was incorrect, as my behavior at the time was also triggered by some unfortunate outside events. OTOH, I believe my own son, whose was once diagnosed with ADD, may, in fact, have Asperger's, as his disabilities are more severe than can be explained by simple ADD
Phil Alexander - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
I'm going to be as kind as I can: this parody shows what a gulf there is between what I consider important in a parody and what you do. I'm not sure there is any overlap whatsoever, so I am going to refrain from posting a critique based on my criteria; in a similar vein, I would request that you show the same respect to others by never, ever mentioning the number of parodies you have written to belittle parody authors. They, like me, will probably have other criteria with which to decide merit.
Anon - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
I took a well-considered ethical risk with my amateur diagnosis of Asperger's in Ron. If his single-minded attention were given to, say, piano playing, no alarm would have been raised. But his concentration on guns and, as others have mentioned in so many words, his narcissism, alarmed me, especially since mass shootings have been perpetrated by the mentally disturbed. We have all been urged by the media to try to do something to allay a tragedy. There is, of course, nothing wrong with having Asperger's or OCD or ADD or all the other alphabet soup disorders listed in the Diagnostic Manual. But they are often manifested behaviorally, and though gun violence is a long-shot, I hope that, at least, somebody close to Rob helps him to address whatever phenomenon it is that makes him a disturbing outlier in this otherwise collegial and congenial group.
Dave W - August 30, 2014 - Report this comment
Guns - Who doesn't love them.......Words have done more damage by far , but also have saved more than we will ever know
Rob Arndt - August 30, 2014 - Report this comment
Thanks Dave W for actually using the comment box for what it's for! Most of the firearms listed here have been used for good in wars against enemy forces. The German guns were designed to kill better and so their types are the kinds that can cause a lot of death in civilian hands (Germans invented the breech-loading rifle, rifling, Anti-aerial gun, AT gun, automatic pistol, first double-action automatic military pistol, first true SMG, assault rifle, flamethrower, and GPMG). OTOH, many of the modern derived firearms have saved the lives of countless men, women, and children protecting themselves from physical harm including assault, rape, and murder. Banning firearms or types of firearms only benefits the criminal element. While I do not support the NRA, I find that the types of bans don't work anyway as the only things banned are exotic foreign types. In each case, the US versions are still safe and promoted. Instead of lots of foreign 5.56mm or Soviet 7.62mm, US 5.56mm is widely available in Mini-14, AR-15, or clone sporters. Ugly .308s too as fake sniper. I am surprised that 7.62mm is back. Even in California I can buy a SKS or Russian made AK sporter (non pistol grip version, no flash suppressor, bayonet mount, nor full-auto fire) from a gun shop, Mini-14 from Big 5 and also surplus Nagants (some with cheap scopes already mounted for $189). Tac shotguns are plentiful and run $300+. For the "alarmed" Anon, I do NOT have any arsenals anymore, no edged weapon collection, and no compound cam Olympic standard V-stabilized bows with Razorback-tipped arrows. I do NOT build improvised weapons either. So chillax and get back to the chronic ;-)
Rob Arndt - August 31, 2014 - Report this comment
Hey CML, sorry to take so long on my reply but NP with you as a person or parodist. Hell, you are one of only a few that also write about Islamic terror and politics on a regular basis and I love your work. May I ask if you have any plans to do any parodies involving the killing of Foley, Dare's threat to execute another, ISIS' tactics, the US response, or support for intervention in Syria? Please say yes, b/c I can't shoulder all the war and violence here AND push my German occupier agenda (being sarcastic to the group, not you)!!! As for my perceptions on threads, I have two things working against me: 1) I take a lot of meds that make me drift, and 2) I sometimes have diabetic eyesight which is frustrating when my blood sugar is high. Means I go through mood swings or sometimes have trouble grasping what is being said. I assumed you jumped on the bandwagon of criticism and you didn't. My sincere apology for assuming (ASS/U/ME). I also write frequently while being overly medicated and at night when I am tired and have to work very fast. But I also work very fast when fully cognitive and my memory is outstanding, esp with numbers (32 digit memory, semi-eidetic). A full eidetic can see everything at once and remember everything heard verbatim. I can only reconstruct the picture in sequential pieces at a slower pace, but can still "see" data. Someone said my memory and IQ are diminishing. Not true as I continue to expand absorbed knowledge, especially with weapon systems. Look at my Mauser parody comments I just wrote to Patrick- fully detailed history from memory. No referencing necessary. I can do this with any subject I am interested in, but you do Islam the best here. I am only marginally interested in their weapons, tactics, status, and terror threats with the US response in military terms. That's it. I care not for the false religion ripped-off from Judaism and condemned culture. It is interesting to do the religious speculation as direct comparison, but that's as far as I wanna go with the Quran. Peace, brother :)
Callmelennie - August 31, 2014 - Report this comment
Fact is, Rob, I do have a Islamotune in the pipeline. And while it doesn't address anything specifically happening right now, it does have four or five classic lines. The OS itself adds to the humor. Perhaps I can re-jigger it to make it more current. As for your apology, I fully accept it -- and I can readily understand why you responded as you did. In fact, I sort of "assumed" (;-D) that was behind it all along

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