I said I'm putting up with his Depends
And Lolitas and the Conjoined Twins
He rods me pursy when I'm distraught
But Tequila makes his wand go soft

I told him put a track from Slayer on
I know that's helping when he's useless as a blonde
His tool kit stock goes down like Microsoft
Yeah, Tequila makes his wand go soft

I heart him flexing artsy tattoos
Persevering with the kinks
He's my packet, but it's bugger-all
When that liquor has him jinxed

Like MTV he's a three minute song
'For the E.D and the hard-on's gone
In flight he drones, then a gasy waft
Yeah, Tequila makes his ass go soft

It's his downer, it's his rabbit punch
The idyll's over like the Brady Bunch
My fella's neutered and he backs off
Yeah, Tequila makes his wand go soft

'Heart his cuddling and his pillow shmooze
Persevering as he shrimps
He's my ad hoc, up for booty calls
But his sausage is a blimp

I need his chili in my hot dog bun
My fella's souffle sword can get things done
His friends don't know that he is Tex-Mex bossed
Yeah, Tequila makes his wand go soft

Yeah, Tequila makes his wheels fall off
Yeah, Tequila that is potent stuff!