Song mockery!

I opened my closed eyes, now my vision is hazy
Dark, as I awakened
Can’t tell what time of the day
There’s no clock I guess

Then this guy standing there summoned a band of henchmen
Asked me dozens of questions
None that made much sense
Under spotlight stress

I told them I was wondering why they cuffed my hands
These violent strangers clearly improvised their plan
Cause now I’ve been borrowed til ya pay a thousand grand
Or I’m gonna be so stranded and damned…

I can’t esCAPE
My hands are TAPED
And man, they’re CHAFED
From strain-ing-on-these-damn, they SCRAPE!
These bands and CHAINS!
I can’t be SAVED!!
This can’t be! (Can’t be)
I can’t esCAPE!!!!

So here in detention there's no comprehension but smell, yeah
And my ears have swelled up
This cell is a roach motel
AND THAT'S A COMPLIMENT

I got in trouble because of the screaming, I'm gagg-ed
Furnace turned up, I panic
Go completely pantless
(I’m hot like that)

I’m eating flies and rats and grime from off the floor
Then vomit beetle parts (or something - I don’t know)
I guess these guys forgot that I'm a monophobe
Maybe allow me a phone...

I can’t esCAPE!
I’m half inSANE!
Deprived, dePRAVED!
And worst-of-all-I-have-n’t SHAVED!!
My pants are STAINED!
From crap and MANGE!!
I'm trapped, please
(Can't breathe)
I can’t esCAPE!!!

How long have I been away? I cry, what's the delay?
I'm willing to wait, but why so late? Just send in the CIA
Come saaaaaaaaave me...
Come saaaaaaaaave me...
Come saaaaaaaaave me...
Come saa-aaaaa-aaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaaave me...

I almost cried 'cause I'd spent five months here alone
When someone took apart my bonds and let me go
Took him a while, but Daddy Cyrus found the dough!
“Get out right now or get choked… “

I’ve just escaped!
The ransom waived!
I’ve been un-slaved!
Because-I’ve-been-so-well-behaved!
Now I’m front PAGE!!
I'm back to FAME!!!
Now no one, no one
Can ESCAPE!!!!!!!!!!!