[Intro]
{Squidward was just walking and meets Squilliam.}
Squidward: (spoken) Hey, Squilliam?
Squilliam: Yes, Squiddy?

[Verse 1: Squidward]
I played some jazz on a clarinet,
to show Kelpy G I was cool,
and when I finally got better,
felt ten years younger,
but it was something to do.
I'm living in the Conch Drive,
I drive my tricycle just to prove,
I don’t need to get bothered,
but I work to get some dollars,
and I order Krabby Patties to snooze.
But you don't want to make art like me,
Never knowing why you draw like me,
you don't ever want to drive off Bikini Bottom,
And go someplace else.
You don't wanna meet your gang like this,
never knowing why you sang like this,
You don't wanna be stuck up on the band class,
stuck up on the band class.
All I know are sad songs, sad songs.
Squilliam, all I know are sad songs. Sad songs.

[Verse 2: Squilliam]
Squidward, you already knew the slot,
Can't get along with old neighbors,
Cause you're always getting angrier,
With the hungry customers you forgot.
And you can’t feed the dogs, no.
Cause they’re chasing you all around,
And you can't find a pet,
cause how angrier it gets,
You get scared when you hear it make the sound.
And I don't want to make art like you,
never knowing why I draw like you,
I don't ever want to leave Bikini Bottom and go someplace else.
And I don't wanna meet my gang like this,
never knowing why I sang like this.
I don't wanna be stuck up on the band class, stuck up on the band class.
All I know are sad songs, sad songs.
Squidward, all I know are sad songs, sad songs.

[Verse 3: Squidward]
I pay some money for the customers,
I bought some food for them, of course,
All the customers I meet, and the food I gave them to eat,
And the customers eat like a horse.
I walked to my Easter Island head,
Between SpongeBob and Patrick’s house,
I had a long hard week, and they're playing hide-and-seek,
Cause they don't know that I'm quiet as a mouse.
But you don't want to make art like me,
never knowing why you draw like me,
You don't ever want to leave Bikini Bottom,
and go someplace else.
You don't wanna meet your gang like this,
never knowing why you sang like this,
You don't wanna be stuck up on the band class,
stuck up on the band class.
All I know are sad songs, sad songs.
Squilliam, all I know are sad songs. Sad songs.