Song Parodies -> "Because You Are Barney"

Original Song Title:

"As Long As You Love Me"

Original Performer:

"Because You Are Barney"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Because you are Barney (3x)

The timeline measure
7 million B.C. dinosaurs lost their bacon
They weren't so clever
Now he's in my face, laughing now with artless singing
We hate now (hate now), we all hurl (go hurl)
Your show in your strange world
With your spas-modic dances

The show with you, Barney
You would be mugging, acting so shameless, it's such a joke
Because of you, Barney
Child-rearing pabulum, a whinging pervert, a lump of mold
Because you are B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bBarney! (Barney)
Because you are B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bBarney! (Barney)

When I was younger
I'd spend every second of my day in PBS world
Now I watch Nova
But back then Sesame Street was my Screen World
It was best (the best), no lie (no lie), I had no need for Barney's cry
Strike up the band!

"I Love You! You Love Me!"
It caused much retching, I may sound heartless, he seemed real coked
I hate you so Barney
Baby Bop so dumb, I'd wanna kill her, I felt so bold
Because you are B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bBarney! (Barney)
Because you are B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bBarney! (Barney!)

Whoa, Bad T-V!
It never really made sense with this here Tyrannosaurus
He'd show up from outer space, "Super-dee-woo-it!", he'd overdo it
The kids on there, had no life, it is true
Plus...ust...
I really can't stand his song "I LOVE YOU"!
In a preschooler world, he was a pile of poo (poo pit!)
Saccharine lessons made me vomit, offered nothing brave or new (whew!)
Now Barney's all tapped out--like WHOA! (thank God!)
He was too lame, too cute (cute)
What show caused some suicides? I think back and point to you!
You, you satanical behemoth, I think I now dub thee the cooler kids' shibboleth
Now yer ass is showing leaner on the TV side
On Sprout TV, I reject it
My own son can now watch Chiki, woo-woo-woo!
But I'll never let him get sight of you
I will let him get his game on with some old Blue's Clues because you are Barney!

Because you are Barney (hate ya, yeah yeah yeah)
We will be mocking your insipidness until you choke
Because you are Barney
Preschooler pabulum (pabulum), you are a vile cur, stay in the cold
I hate you so B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bBarney!
I'm sure not pro-B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bBarney!
I hate your ass Bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-Barney
(A stinking pilchard, put him on hold)
Let's give him a sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shove (Barney)
Right on his hi-hi-hi-hienie! (Barney)
Because he is Barney! (let's go watch Teletubbies)
Because you are are are are Barney!
Because you are Bar-Bar-Bar-Barney!
Because you are Bar-Bar-Bar-Barney! (lousy shmoe)
Because you are Barney!

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Agrimorfee - February 26, 2014 - Report this comment

"Plus...ust..." SHOULD HAVE BEEN "Plus...just..."

John Barry - February 26, 2014 - Report this comment

DKTOS but any Barney bash is welcome, and this is a good one. Extra credit for "shibboleth."

Matthias - February 27, 2014 - Report this comment

Ah... It's been far too long since there has been a good Barney bash. He's kind of extinct in song parodies and comedy music lately. This was a good one and a good companion piece with your Elmo parody.

Max Power - March 10, 2014 - Report this comment

Time to make sure he's extinct for good!

bobpiecheese - March 11, 2014 - Report this comment

(Artistry) I didn't get a few references in this parody (pabulum, shibboleth, Chiki, Baby Bop) and as I never saw Barney (though I still know the "I Love You" song...weird) I never really understood the hate, so while this parody was good, definitely worth a 555 it didn't grab me as well as it should've. Not your bad, obviously.

Agrimorfee - March 11, 2014 - Report this comment

I guess a few Tommy Turtlesque footnotes would have been helpful (if I was resourceful enough). Pabulum is baby food. Shibboleth is a term dating back to biblical times, a word or object that separates the elite from undesirable persons. I used the wrong name for Chiki, a cute little puppet featured on SproutTv, an American digital channel for kids that also reruns Barney. Chiki can be annoying, as she only communicates via a squeakytoy chirping language, but she is nowhere as insufferable as Barney .

Blaydeman - March 11, 2014 - Report this comment

(Artistry) I think a better title sub might have been "Because of you, Barney" but that's neither here nor there. I grew up watching Barney, and at the time there wasn't anything creepy about him. Looking back though, yeah, a little creepy. Still, honestly don't think I would be quite the person I am today without a little Barney during my formative years. However, I respect your right to bash him all you want. I still found it pretty funny. Solid write, Aggy!

Abbott Skelding - March 11, 2014 - Report this comment

I agree with Blaydeman on the title change, but no worries. I also grew up watching Barney...luckily for me, I don't remember much of it. Also lucky for me is that my 2-year-old niece is more into Spongebob than anything else (sweet!). Not a bad job, although because of the fact I don't remember much of it, it doesn't hold the same hate-filled effect that it does for everyone else. Nice work!

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