Och sat on a thistle laddie, thistle laddie
Hurt ma’ bum
Can ye get yer lazy arse here
Ye old dafty chum
If ye cannae shove yer granny
Aff the bus that’s daft
Och sat on a thistle laddie, thistle laddie
Goin’ yer scum

(Aye) I cannae get it oot noo
An’ it’s makin’ me a numpty
An’ am hopin’ ye in the hoose right into the hoose
An’ yer bum’s oot the windae
I bet yer so off yer fuckin’ trolley
Just playing yer pipes by golly
Who in the glen done made the plants sharper?
There’s only one lad, and one die
I’m a big fool
Ne’er keep cool, pull it oot right noo
Tryna be a bampot
Haude yer wheesht shite about Oor Wullie
Focus here man, cannae see am suff’ring

Och sat on a thistle laddie, thistle laddie
Hurt ma’ bum
Can ye get yer lazy arse here
Ye old dafty chum
If ye cannae shove yer granny
Aff the bus that’s daft
Och sat on a thistle laddie, thistle laddie
Goin’ yer scum

Thistle laddie, thistle laddie
Thistle laddie, thistle laddie

It’s like everywhere I go
This thistle’s hurting me so
Haggis on ma’ plate
I cannae take anymore
Kiltin’s nae approved
Nae okay, I’m in pain
Show me some whiskey, cause am-a feelin’ quite tipsy
Laddie we start the celeidh, ye come in old hose
Show me all three drones
You got it ma’ bagpipes
Talented with yer breath, wis ye blew oot candles
So amazing, now ye can try the thistle with the pliers
Hope ye no got an issue, ye can do it
Get ma bum all better, by next Tuesday

Och sat on a thistle laddie, thistle laddie
Hurt ma’ bum
Can ye get yer lazy arse here
Ye old dafty chum
If ye cannae shove yer granny
Aff the bus that’s daft
Och sat on a thistle laddie, thistle laddie
Goin’ yer scum

Thistle laddie, thistle laddie
Thistle laddie, thistle laddie

Och aye can ye shite it
Let me see this thistle aff my bum it
I’m a cranky Scot, don’t stop it
‘Cause I love how ye pipe it, pipe it, pipe it, for me
Now laddie, pull that thistle oot
Hey bawbag, pull that thistle oot

Och sat on a thistle laddie, thistle laddie
Hurt ma’ bum
Can ye get yer lazy arse here
Ye old dafty chum
If ye cannae shove yer granny
Aff the bus that’s daft
Och sat on a thistle laddie, thistle laddie
Goin’ yer scum

Thistle laddie, thistle laddie
Thistle laddie, thistle laddie