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Song Parodies -> "I Believe"

Original Song Title:

"I Believe"

Original Performer:

Cast of The Book of Mormon

Parody Song Title:

"I Believe"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Ever since I was eighteen, thought I voted for the best
So what happened?
Politicians on TV now make me so depressed
So what happened?

I listen to talk radio
Saying things are so dreadful today
The evils of PC-correctness
They've taken my country away

There's this guy who's really different
And he seems completely sane
He has the best words, he has great words
He'll make 'merca great again

A conman who won't show his taxes
What could go wrong with that?
I must trust that he's made himself billions
And so he'll have my back
Yes, I've really thought it all out
I don't have even one shred of doubt

I believe that Donald Trump's really a billionaire
I believe what's on his head is really his own hair
And I believe he's not against the Jews
Or the Mexicans
I am a moron and a moron just believes

If you stay in your echo chamber
You'll end up believing it all
No problems with cognitive dissonance
I *know* he'll build that wall

It takes a little brains to have any doubt
That's why I'm worry-free
Time to show the world what Donald Trump is about
And give him the presidency

I believe that there's such a word as "bigly"
I believe that he's really good at business
And I believe that multiple bankruptcies
And losses mean he's smart
I am a moron
And, dang it, a moron just believes

I know that hacks from Goldman Sachs and other billionaires
Show he really is draining the swamp
If he has faith in Ben Carson, I guess that I must, too
Just believe in Pres'dent Donald Trump

I believe that Hillary Clinton's the antichrist
I believe that Barack Obama's a Muslim
And I believe that in 1961
They changed his birth certificate

Maybe I'm a moron
A moron who just believes

And now I can go grabbing pussies
Just like the Donald was born to do
And I feel so incredible to be allowed to be racist to you
Donald says he'll kick illegals out
Make the country Muslim-free
Then this acorn of intolerance will grow
Into a bigger tree

I believe that Trump's the only man for the White House
I believe that a woman can't do the job as well
And I believe that when he contradicts himself
He's "telling it like it is"

The election: Hillary tried to steal it
And you know it's all true, you just feel it
If you're a moron
And, by gosh, a moron just believes

Oh, I believe
I believe

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 1.7
How Funny: 1.7
Overall Rating: 1.7

Total Votes: 49

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   41
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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This View of Life - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
5s. DKTOS, but I completely agree with the sentiment. Last night, I switched between CNN and Fox News. The childishness at Fox was a depressing spectacle. They see the autocracy and incompetency at the White House as leaks. "The problem," as one of the Faithful opined, "is leaks." Over at CNN, which is not unbiased, the discussions revolved around what Trump did, the legality of it all, and the effects on national security. Then back at Fox, the snapping terrier Tucker Carlson managed to indict liberal strongholds by railing against the state of the toilets at New York's Penn Station!
A whole bunch of comments by a True Believer have just been deleted from your thread. But carry on, Don Quixote. See my comment for your parody "Impeachment Is the Hardest Word to Say." I wrote, "I am sad that your critics represent a dead-end branch on the evolutionary tree."
Phil Alexander - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
The OS is great:
Doesn't feel like tilting at windmills so much as waving to them as I drive past :-) I did spot the deleted comments: I reported them, although I dislike censorship & removing comments as a general rule, they were all there under my name saying things I haven't said.
Gregg Jarrett - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Three months ago, the then-FBI Director met with President Trump. Following their private conversation, Comey did what he always does –he wrote a memorandum to himself memorializing the conversation. Good lawyers do that routinely.

Now, only after Comey was fired, the memo magically surfaces in an inflammatory New York Times report which alleges that Mr. Trump asked Comey to end the Michael Flynn investigation.

Those who don’t know the first thing about the law immediately began hurling words like “obstruction of justice”, “high crimes and misdemeanors” and “impeachment“. Typically, these people don’t know what they don’t know.

Here is what we do know.

Under the law, Comey is required to immediately [sic] inform the Department of Justice of any attempt to obstruct justice by any person, even the President of the United States. Failure to do so would result in criminal charges against Comey. (18 USC 4 and 28 USC 1361) He would also, upon sufficient proof, lose his license to practice law.

So, if Comey believed Trump attempted to obstruct justice, did he comply with the law by reporting it to the DOJ? If not, it calls into question whether the events occurred as the Times reported it.
Father Aloysius - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Trumpism is religion by other means.
Reality - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
CNN "reporting" is religion by other means.
Maria Zakharova - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Have you guys been reading American newspapers again? Don’t read them. They can be used in many different ways, but one shouldn’t read them – recently it has become not only harmful, but dangerous.
@Gregg Jarrett - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
I am not a lawyer, but you yourself have put a [sic] after "immediately." That seems to indicate that even you do not believe that there is a statute of limitations that requires the reporting of the possible obstruction of justice within microseconds. Moreover, if Comey was indulging in payback, does that mitigate, in any way, the charges against Trump? If I may be so bold, why did Trump wait 18 days to fire Flynn after the Deputy Attorney General warned him that Flynn had been compromised by the Russians such that he was potentially subject to blackmail?
Official Leftard Position (Today): - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
When our Messiah Obama shared classified military information with Vladimir Putin last Summer, he didn't deserve to be impeached for it because that was totally different from what Trump just did because shut up.
Grammar Nazi - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
That "[sic]" is because "to immediately inform" splits an infinitive.
A Few Moronic Things Leftards Have Believed: - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
If you like your insurance, you can keep your insurance.
If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.
Islam is a religion of peace.
Illegal immigrants aren't criminals.
The only way to end racism and sexism is to kill all the white males.
Venezuela is a socialist paradise.
Venezuela was never actually a socialist country.
The Benghazi incident happened because of documentary video on YouTube.
Hillary Clinton was a competent and patriotic Secretary of State.
Cuba has one of the world's finest health care systems.
The UK's NHS is one of the world's finest health care systems.
Diversity is our strength.
Al Gore won the 2000 election; George W. Bush stole it.
John Kerry won the 2004 election; George W. Bush stole it too.
Russians hacked the 2016 election; Clinton actually won it, but Trump stole it.
Dan Rather's National Guard documents came from a typewriter, not MS Word. Dan Rather's National Guard documents were fake, but accurate.
Snowfall will soon be a thing of the past.
Global cooling is going to kill us all.
Global warming is going to kill us all.
Billions will starve to death by the year 2000.
Bill Nye is a scientist.
Sexuality is fixed at birth, but gender is fluid and non-binary.
The Tea Party is racist and violent.
Antifa is non-racist and non-violent.
Antifa is AGAINST fascism, not for it.
To prevent racism and violence, police need to stand down and allow Antifa to beat up Trump supporters.
Republicans are the party of the rich and privileged.
Democrats are the party of the working poor.
Sexism is to blame for Hillary Clinton's loss.
Sarah Palin deserves to be raped.
Anything a Democrat does is not a crime, but if a Republican does it, it's a crime for which he should be impeached.
@Phil Alexander - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Things Phil HAS said or implied:

GMOs are good
Monsanto is good
Roundup covered seeds are harmless to animals and people
All independent studies of GMO harm are frauds
GMOs are 100% safe for consumption
All the nations banning GMOs are brainwashed and hysterical

Okay, Phil
Three Moronic Things At Least One Leftard Believes Right Now: - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Evolution is a tree.
Leftards are evolved.
Natural selection favors leftards who rarely reproduce over Muslim immigrant families with dozens of offspring.
Grammar Purist - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Good of you to boldly go where idiots who use "leftards" dare not, but if the "[sic]" was meant to indicate a split infinitive, it would have been put after "inform." The whole split infinitive would have been subject to the "[sic]." As for my period before the end quotation, that's the American convention, and if you don't believe me, consult the New York Times Leftard Style book.
Phil Alexander - May 17, 2017 - Report this comment
@@Phil Alexander - I'll try and make this simple for you:

"GMOs are good" - pretty much, yes. Prove me wrong.
"Monsanto is good" - never said that, just that they're no worse than your average multinational corporation. They're certainly not the evil that some make out (if they were, then those who want to believe Monsanto was evil would be able to come up with something not completely made up). If you want to convince me otherwise, find something, but please check your facts first.
"Roundup covered seeds are harmless to animals and people" - ain't no such beastie. You're mixing up Roundup (which is probably *the* most harmless herbicide to animals and people) and seeds coated with neonicotinoid pesticide - these most definitely *are* hazardous to animals or people that eat the coated seeds, but they're a far more targeted pesticide, so far less is used, causing less harm to animals. People & animals don't eat those seeds.
"All independent studies of GMO harm are frauds" - so, as I have asked innumerable times: find me a study that shows GMO harm that isn't. Every single one linked to on my "Starving in the Third World" parody has been (and I have check them *all* out, every single brainless/lying/outright fraudulent one of them). It should be easy if GMOs are so dangerous, so find one.
"GMOs are 100% safe for consumption" - As safe as any other food is.
"All the nations banning GMOs are brainwashed and hysterical" - I didn't use those words, but they're banning GMOs based on lies and hysteria, not facts or evidence.

...and to anyone who uses the word "Leftard" as an attempt to demean those more intelligent than yourselves: it doesn't work. Never has, never will. It just makes you look like a closed-minded idiot.
Susanna Viljanen - May 18, 2017 - Report this comment
The British Royal Family was bashed a couple of days ago and called as inbred retards. Prince Andrew and Prince William have showed that even an inbred retard can fly battle helicopter at combat zone, and the former has retired as a fully served Rear Admiral. The latter and his brother have showed certain degree of empathy on working with orphan children - they can relate to it because they lost their mother when they were children and their father raised them as a single parent. Unlike certain chickenhawks, Prince Harry has made a career as an officer and participated in a bang-bang-war.

Royal families do have their vices and faults and hereditary diseases, but IMO a hereditary monarch backed with a strong democracy can never be as bad as an elected President can be at worst, especially when leading a plutocracy or spookocracy. Monarchy creates societal stability and continuum of legitimacy. There is just a small step from a republic to ochlocracy and oligarchy. Lemons like Warren Harding and James Buchanan should really ring the bell.
Smarter Than Phil Alexander - May 18, 2017 - Report this comment
Nice demonstration of the Dunning–Kruger effect you've given us there, you empty-headed leftard. It's always the greatest historical and philosophical illiterates who go around believing themselves more intelligent than others on the grounds that their minds are "open" to left-wing dogma, which requires incredible amounts of self-brainwashing (i.e. leftardation) to accept now that the left's abject failures (e.g. the French Revolution, the U.S.S.R., Zimbabwe, North Korea, Greece, the EU, Venezuela) are everywhere to be seen. Of course, anyone with a mind "closed" to left-wing dogma retains much more knowledge of human nature than you and is therefore more intelligent; but you overestimate your intellect (and write retarded lyrics like this that demonstrate you know nothing about why your intellectual superiors believe what they do) because you've brainwashed yourself to believe that unquestioning acceptance of your retarded position is actually intelligence instead of idiocy.

I'll concede it takes an incredible amount of brain power to make yourself this stupid, but that's no praise to you; the word "fool" is the proper designation for someone with the brain power to brainwash himself into believing things even children and uneducated peasants immediately recognize to be terribly stupid ideas.
Justice - May 18, 2017 - Report this comment
Like most Leftards, Phil is in denial. He can't face reality, so he lives in a pseudo-intellectual fairy land of absurdity mixed with Marxism and liberalism guided by under 25 feminazis and SJWs. This PC moron denies common sense. With Leftards it's always anybody's fault than their own. Their worldview is skewed. But rest assured that people like Phil will be the first to go when the Muslims out birth the British and establish Sharia Law in their midst. Being an atheist, they will slice his throat as an infidel of the first degree.
Phil Alexander - May 18, 2017 - Report this comment
All I can say is: QED
Wendy - May 18, 2017 - Report this comment
Ignore Phil, he's a nutter!
Sanetard - May 18, 2017 - Report this comment
Monarchy creates stasis, not stability. Monarchy preserves the unearned rights of a privileged view at great cost to its subjects. It is a feudal remnant, supported by fan mags and elderly spinsters. Begone with the last of it. A democratic republic anchored by a strong Constitution is the best system to date. The lemons are even now being squeezed out.
But make no mistake: the right wing has invented trickle-down economics to create and preserve a new, lordly monarchy: the malefactors of great wealth who buy influence from their puppets in Washington. This is a new Gilded Age for them, and only them. Look at the results: jobs for all; solid bridges and highways; modern airports and efficient air travel; gleaming high-speed trains; a humane and equal health care system for all; our no-waste military spending, which is more than that of the next seven countries combined; affordable housing and higher education; our decades-long kissing up to murderous dictators in exchange for corporate concessions in their slave lands.
Phil, the best I can do is 5s. Be simple and on-message. Not that it will help; you are dealing with an unshakeable, irrational mindset.
Insanetard - May 24, 2017 - Report this comment
Yes, you leftards do have an "unshakeable, irrational mindset." Just look how well-fed, well-educated, and free from murderous dictators and corporate overlords people are in Venezuela, North Korea, Zimbabwe, California, New York, and everywhere else leftard ideology has prevailed so far.

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