Can we replace that staircase?
Cause those boards bite, They are way too harsh
I can barely take a step on down
Step on down...
Step on down...
Can we repair that staircase?
Since the wood's dry
Plus it's black and charred
Every time I take a step I frown
Step I frown...
Step I frown...

Yeah, Each morning I scream when a splinter's in my shin
I get whacked in the face since my ceiling tends to dip
Shoes trip on the old carpetin', I'm crashin' and thrashin'
My body's beaten and bruised, I'm in traction
Smashed into the linoleum due to it's badness
They're hard to climb since my house sure ain't a palace
Can't stand that railing so I'll groan since it's crap
Splinters showin' cause it's lethal and it's made from scrap
Walkin' to the next story's my goal
Wish my house was a Ranch to ease with my stroll
But mine is a Split-Level, Understand?
I'm forced to stick with the place I financed
Damn staircase, staircase, Ruins my day
It brings me pain when my skin is flayed
If I don't wear shoes, My feet are a fright
Since this wood's so cracked that it is a haunted house sight

How'd you defend that staircase?!
Is your mind fried?! Because that's bizarre! (That's bizarre!)
Every morning as a ditz I'm plowed
Ditz I'm plowed... (Ditz I'm plowed...)
Ditz I'm plowed... (Ditz I'm plowed...)
I can't really stand this staircase!
This hallway hike
Always does me harm (Does me harm!)
Wish I had an elevator now! ('Vator now!)
Hater now! (Hater now!)
Hater now! (Hater now!)

Yeah, yeah, Some carpenter is gonna get paid
To make this stairwell rock, My back won't be sprained
This carpet is so tattered here on top of these planks
My banister is diamond and there's a golden archway
This timber's swapped for granite mixed in with cement
Once was in pain from all these constant accidents
Done stressin' because my old stairs were vicious in my staircase
Once shady and so flaky and were super unsafe
As strong as cheap chopsticks but now they are proclaimed
Way back then they were cruddy, Held up with old Duct Tape
Now you can take a stride and your forehead won't bang
Who needs an escalator? With this grand display
Might not be filthy rich
And this was expensive
So my bank account's looted
But my shoes aren't split
It cost twelve grand but I won't bash my face
I redesigned my home's condition with that staircase

Needed to replace that staircase
I took a dive and that ground was hard (Ground was hard)
I'm glad that this flight was fixed, I'm proud (Fixed, I'm proud)
Fixed, I'm proud... (Fixed, I'm proud)
Fixed, I'm proud... (Fixed, I'm proud)
Needed to restore that staircase
There were beehives, Underneath those boards ('Neath those boards)
Used to be a bunch of sticks, I scowled (Sticks, I scowled)
Sticks, I scowled... (Sticks, I scowled)...
Sticks, I scowled... (Sticks, I scowled)...

Moldy lumber I must pitch right out (Whoa, oh, oh, oh)
U-u-u-used to fall down in a ditch, Yelled "Ouch!"
I, I, I bruised my arm (Whoa, oh... oh...)
Wor-wor-wor-worse than any wicked witch, I'm wowed
A b*tch, I twitched and howled
(I flinched and yowled)