[MCCAIN]
Meghan, Jack, Bridget, Jimmy, and bastard sons…

[OBAMA]
My dear daughters...

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Thanks for your inclusion
In my campaign photo pics

[OBAMA]
Though I’m hoarse from Salem menthols ...

[MCCAIN]
Though there’s bets I’ll die and shove it ...

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Well, I know you don’t want Poppy to abscond!
Yet…
I see our side losing
Polls say my opponent is…

[OBAMA]
A du-tiful leader, agreeably a nu-cular man, put together,
Quite, it’s POW-sible, lead is wide…

[MCCAIN]
(after a beat)
….hot.

Run out of zeal, we’re
Exhausted and through

[OBAMA]
I’m short on hope now
My change is spent too

[MCCAIN]
My VP’s luscious

[OBAMA]
Mine beds her freely

[MCCAIN]
I’ve been to Russia!

[OBAMA]
I know Swahili!

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Yes, kids, we’re no saints
Here’s our one complaint:
Guess…

Voting
Social contract tenet, voting

[MCCAIN]
In this race

[OBAMA]
Trust choice?

[MCCAIN]
You’re joking!

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Let’s be frank – Don’t vote at all!
Hey, accept your fate, your voice is small
Better keep the heck from your town hall
Don’t wimp out, brother

Voting
There’s ten pages registration
For each vote – it’s such frustration!
Wall of words, too long!
Oh, we’re screwed when citizens amass
Still we know each year, half miss their chance
So if you’ll be voting
No big deal!
We’re hoping… not.

[CITIZENS]
Feeling kinda screwed, misunderstood
How do you stand on issues, if you would?
War on Terror, bad bank charters
Are your pro-life or pro-science?
Tell the public – we’ll be smarter!

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Well… such things create such biiiiiias…

[CITIZENS]
Patience thinning, bored and resigned
To wond’ring how the fuck we’ll decide
We can’t get the whole truth
Geez, oh well, we tried…
Despair for
Voting

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
[singing simultaneously]
We’ll just keep slinging
Our mud at the truth

[CITIZENS]
Un-edger-ma-cated voting

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
One needs cojones
To fake like we do

[CITIZENS]
Blunt eraser, pencil floating

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Your choices, crushing

[CITIZENS]
Trust McCain…

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Your money, stealing

[CITIZENS]
…or trust Barack?

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Age line or glass ceiling!

[CITIZENS]
All our little brains were once enthralled

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Do we have no shame?

[CITIZENS]
Now we’re very stressed, if not appalled

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Guess…

[ALL]
Ahh …
AHHHH…
Voting

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Both sides trade misinformation

[CITZENS]
Warring.

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Quid pro quo, it’s obligation

[CITIZENS]
Boring.

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
Back and forth, right/wrong!

[CITIZENS]
Ping pong.

[MCCAIN/OBAMA]
So we’ll never quit, we’ll claim this fast
Screw the public’s grief, ‘cause we kick ass!
And “encourage” voting
(Pfft, whatever)
Voting’s stupid, piffling
Pointless, dude
A hopeless cause!

(MCCAIN/OBAMA open newspaper, glance incredulously offstage)
You?!

[RALPH NADER]
Ha!