SPOKEN

[Rebekah Dub]
You see, teachers, I have no friends
And I’m getting tired of extra homework.

[Mom]
Kroger’s looking for a new clerk.

[Rebekah Dub]
Couldn’t I be a soda jerk?

SUNG

Every day I walk these halls
I have to dodge a brawl
(And let’s face it, when aren’t you
Having to dodge a brawl?)
I’d like to be
Out once and for all
This spring I will be graduating
No longer will be chicken wings
To the damned prom queen’s former summer fling
And so my heart will sing
Because my neck no one will want to wring
Don’t worry, you can find me in Beijing
On pandas I
Will concentrate
Because I’m…

Totally
Utterly unpopular
I could be a soda jerk
Or a Kroger clerk
And no one would care to lurk
Unlike my former classmates
I have left the state
And I’m slightly overweight

I’m unpopular
Banally unpopular
I’ve hung with the wrong cohorts
And I’ve sucked at sports
But I haven’t been to court
Though I’ll say
I’m really hoping to keep it that way

Why the hell would I need a frank analysis?
Screw you and your “personality dialysis”
Why would I need to change what I am for someone who hates my… uh…
Everyone hates my guts…

Hence the fact I’m unpopular
Completely unpopular
Never attended parties
Never felt “hearty”
About any school activities
Mom said nothing could stop me
From becoming popular [sigh] Yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I was so damn unpopular

When I go to class reunions
Popular kids in disunion
I sit at my own table and laugh
And just laugh
Half of them will be my sales staff
Chatting as they fill up my carafes
That is if they stick around
This lousy town

Was unpopular, yup!
I was so unpopular
I have lots of aptitude
And a wide worldview
And I’ve become shrewd
At reading and seeing through
People

SPOKEN

[Prom Queen]
Rebekah, that is such a cute skirt!
Hand-me-down?

[Rebekah Dub]
Um… uh… it’s… vintage!

[Prom Queen]
Oh, that’s nice.

SUNG

Yes, I could have used
A good makeover
Though now I’m my own muse
I was unpopular, but
Popularity? I’ll refuse (Psh!)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I’m so proud to be
Quite as unpopular as can be!