Song Parodies -> "Bronze Age Pervert"

Original Song Title:

"Teenage Dirtbag"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Bronze Age Pervert"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

These hypermasculine types are so easy to parody. If you need to tell the whole world you’re an alpha, chances are you’re not one.

I love Andrew Tate
And I’ve always thought that I
Was born way too late
Like thousands of years, no lie

This modern world
It’s all run by girls
But I want to know what I’m for
And I want to go to war for something

‘Cause I’m just a Bronze Age pervert, baby
Yeah I’m just a Bronze Age pervert, baby
Lift weights and read Frank Herbert, baby, with me, ooh

A woman’s a pest
Seems they’re everywhere today
Strong men are the best
But that doesn’t mean I’m gay

Just think we should be
Like Spartans, you see
‘Cause this life today is so dull
So I’d rather bash some skulls for something

‘Cause I’m just a Bronze Age pervert, baby
I’m just a Bronze Age pervert, baby
Lift weights and read Frank Herbert, baby, with me, ooh

Yeah, pervert
No, most guys don’t know what they’re missing
Yeah, pervert
No, most guys don’t know what they’re missing

I feel so good now
‘Cause I’m back in ancient Greece’s
army somehow
Those Trojans I’ll slice to pieces
I feel so brand new
It’s what real men do
Now I finally know what I’m for
And I get to go to war for something

[Greek warriors sing in deep voices to welcome the newcomer]:
We’ve got a mission to beat the Trojans, baby
We leave tomorrow, won’t say maybe
We’re all just Bronze Age perverts, baby
Like you

Yeah, pervert
No, most guys don’t know what they’re missing
Yeah, pervert
No, most guys don’t know what they’re missing

[As the music fades out, our clueless protagonist runs into battle and gets slaughtered by the Trojans almost immediately. Then he wakes up dejected in his own, modern bed.]

I don’t mean to insult Dune fans and I don’t think they’re all like this. Frank Herbert was just unlucky enough to have a last name that rhymes with pervert. But escapist fantasy and sci-fi (in general) _does_ seem to be relatively common among this group of men, for reasons that should be obvious. They just tend to miss the point the original author was trying to make.

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