These are my confessions
Guess what I thought of a few more things to say
So pull up a soft chair and I'll start right away

These are my confessions
Baby please, told you in three, there'd be more
So I gotta give you part 4 of my confessions

First I love Halloween most adults always forbid
I give poison candy to the kids
They pass out, in my house, on the floor
That's just the start of part 4 of my confessions

Listen when I leave the house with our golden retriever puppy
Both the puppy and I have to pee behind the big oak tree
And I build life size sculptures from the wax in my ear (take a year)
And I hid your wrist watch in a large steer's rear

I watch my TV in the nude
I have a tendency to only eat green colored food
Also I purposely always leave the toilet seat up
And I think my condom fell off in the gas tank of your brand new Ford truck

These are my confessions
Guess what I thought of a few more things to say
That will make your dark brown hair to turn into gray

These are my confessions
Baby please, told you in three, there'd be more
So I gotta give you part 4 of my confessions

Dryer went up in flames "cause I didn't clean the lint trap
Switched your birth control pills with tic tacs
Stole a thong, didn't seem that wrong, at the store
That belongs in part 4 of my confessions

I have a tendency to always pick my nose
And I love the way that cream corn feels between my toes
Oh and when we go to your family reunion it's a real monster mash
I let my friends smoke your grandma's ash (grandma's ash)

Your boobs are too small for a guy like me
Let's go to the doctor and get some plastic surgery
I got a tattoo on my left arm and they misspelled your name
I let you win the last twelve yahtzee games

These are my confessions
Guess what I thought of a few more things to say
These are private tales you can never reconvey

These are my confessions
Baby please, told you in three, there'd be more
So I gotta give you part 4 of my confessions

I dropped a box of air looms down seven flights of stairs
I sold all your old used underwear
Whoops my bad, listen to my tails
Never fails, to make you sore, that's part 4 of my confessions

(Spoken) : HONEY I'D SAY WE HAVE A PRETTY GOOD RELATIONSHIP
IN THE BEDROOM BUT DO YOU THINK WE COULD THROW AWAY THE NIPPLE CLAMPS THEY HURT A LOT MAYBE YOU COULD JUST HOOK
MY NIPPLES UP TO THE CAR BATTERY WELL YOU SHAVE MY BACK HAIR
WITH HOT WAX, I'VE TOLD YOU A LOT OF THINGS SO WHY WON'T YOU
TELL ME THAT YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE A HEADACHE LAST NIGHT
BECAUSE THAT EXCUSE IS JUST STUPID, COME ON YOU CAN THINK OF
SOMETHING BETTER THAN THAT, CAN'T YOU..

These are my confessions
Guess what I thought of a few more things to say
I'm almost through a few more secrets to relay

These are my confessions
Baby please, told you in three, there'd be more
So I gotta give you part 4 of my confessions

Spent your inheritance on beer and cable TV
Some power tools and other stuff for me
And later on if you're still alive
I guess I'll tell part 5 of my confessions

(Spoken) : SOME THINGS I GUESS JUST SHOULDN'T BE BROUGHT
OUT INTO THE OPEN BUT I THINK SHE'D BE EVEN MADDER
IF SHE FOUND THESE THINGS OUT ON HER OWN,
YA KNOW..