Although I put you on a pedestal
You never let me into bed at all
So then I whacked you on the head, and all
You're dead and all, you bled and all, too

Your body's large and unconcealable
Your blood is flowing, uncongealable
I've an idea that's not ideal at all
No appeal at all: a meal from you

Because with cooking, you'll be eatable
You'll make a great big and round meat-a-ball
And you are savoury, not sweet at all
No treat at all, to eat all of you

With lots of red sauce, I feel I could eat you all up
I've got lots of red sauce, but oh, no it isn't ketchup
I've an ocean of gravy, but it's too late for you to drown
As I sit round munchin'
My lover for luncheon
But can't keep inedible lover-meat down...

Your thighs and buttocks were so screwable
But on my plate they are unchewable
Afraid I don't like eating you at all
Unusable, eschewable you.

A dinner party? That's not sensible
In fact it would be reprehensible
To serve you up - that's indefensible
And hence I will just have to eat you

Your hands, when flattened, look quite toastable
I guess the rest may just be roastable
And I'm not bothered by your ghost at all
But most of all I'm grossed out by you

I wish that I'd worked out a way for taking the piss
You were such a good cook, that I thought you'd cook better than this
But I can't compost you, it's not just a question of waste
My answer is merely
To add loads more chilli
And curry, etc. to cover the taste

Your guts and garters weren't ingestable
Your uncut toenails - incontestable
That they are simply not comestible
And breasts were all detestable, too

I worry you might be implodable
What sort of toad that it was in the hole
Oh, why was I so very goadable
Exploded and unloaded on you?

I tried sautéing your hairy back
For nose souflée, I do not have a knack
I was disgusted by fried furry crack
Rack placque - alack, like a Big Mac, ewww

Alive, your weight was not an issue
But there's so much adipose tissue
I guess you're not my kind of dish, you
Incredible
Inedible... you


I can't get you down
I can't get you down
When the cops come around
Hope I've ate you all..
.
..down