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Song Parodies -> "Assassination Army"

Original Song Title:

"Seven Nation Army"

Original Performer:

The White Stripes

Parody Song Title:

"Assassination Army"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Jack White said he wanted to save the main guitar riff of this song for if he ever got asked to write a Bond song. At the time, it didn't look like it was going to happen, so he used it for "Seven Nation Army". I've decided to bring the song back to its inception with a different super assassin's story. Mr. John Wick. Check out the plot synopsis of the movie sequel you need more context.
Verse 1: Don’t want to fight at all
Assassination army breathin’ down my back
But don’t you touch my dog!
On the ass chart, nothing’s worse than that
Now I cry myself to sleep at night
Because I can’t forget
Floods of lead lace my mind
And I must pay my debt

And the only thing I want to say is, “Leave me alone!”

Verse 2: Not gonna cheer about it
Every single grunt’s got a bounty to hoard
Everyone knows about it
From that “violinist” to the honored Board
And if I catch you comin’ out my way
I’m gonna terminate you
True I ain’t no Schwarzenegger
But I’m Neo, dude

And the bullets flyin’ from my gun will mine your skull

Verse 3: I’m goin’ incognito
Gone from this stratagem of veiled employ
I’ll go to Kokomo
Lead them all off it with a male decoy
Am I bleeding, am I bleeding, am I bleeding
On this bus depot…
No more kills are gonna come from me
Or y dog, good boy…

If you ask, “does he have a name?”
And I’ll tell you, “no…”
I took a shot on this one. If you haven't seen the movie, please treat yourself! It's great!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 3.6
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - March 11, 2017 - Report this comment
This was a fun tribute to a fun movie. I wish that you included the bit with John Wick stabbing somebody in the eye with a pencil or any of the other crazy intense kills that he does. I liked that you included the line about the dog not having a name though. Funny stuff!
Miss the '80s - March 11, 2017 - Report this comment
No one beats Rocky, Rambo, and the Terminator. John Wick is a p* ssy by comparison. And this parody sucks too!
Blaydeman - March 12, 2017 - Report this comment
I'm sorry, Miss the 80's. I didn't mean to offend the great Stallone. Are you related to him in some way?
Cinema buff - March 12, 2017 - Report this comment
Hey, what about Tom Cruise? Or for that matter the oldies Harrison Ford, Kevin Costner, and Mel Gibson? Btw, modern action films are killed by Marvel characters whose films average 300-600 million or more. John Wick just 88 mil and Chapter 2 crossed 150 mil. Big deal. The Bourne series is better overall.
Check this out - March 13, 2017 - Report this comment
Atomic Blonde:

Makes John Wick look like a douchebag!
Film critic - March 13, 2017 - Report this comment
^ That looks freaking awesome, dude! As for John Wick, I prefer Jack Reacher instead.
Agrimorfee - March 15, 2017 - Report this comment
Haven't seen John Wick, so this reads as the stream-of-consciousness of a killer. Still constructed great. Works OK to me.
bobpiecheese - March 21, 2017 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I haven't seen either John Wick, but I got the basic gist of "former assassin on the run from other assassins" so this also worked well enough for me. 555 dead bounty hunters!
Max Power - March 21, 2017 - Report this comment
You've killed it!

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