I never knew,
When I drank that two-liter jug of Mountain Dew
That an hour later I would become very screwed.
It wasn't fun but you've gotta know the truth.
I cannot control my pee,
If I even just drink a little cup of tea.
My wee wee will go on a big long peeing spree.
It makes me mad and it grosses out my peers.

I hope no one finds out that
I wet my bed.
I wet my bed.
Considering I am age thirty-five.
Oh, what a crime.
What a crime.

I know it's strange.
It's definitely something that I'd like to change.
With it, I feel my body's really deranged.
I must admit, I am scared to wear a thong.
It's pretty hard,
To lay awake at night; always on guard.
Making sure you hold in all of that Pinot Noir,
That you drank at dinner. You're gonna need caffeine.

I hope no one finds out that
I wet my bed.
I wet my bed.
Considering I am age thirty-five.
Oh, what a crime.
What a crime.

I hope no one finds out that
I wet my bed.
I wet my bed.
Considering I am age thirty-five.
Oh, what a crime.
What a crime.

If suddenly, my problem was just unmasked.
I'd become the biggest outcast
In addition to, my bedtime stress.
If people found,
Out what I do at night, I'd surely be crowned.
The weirdo guy who you should give a frown.
But for right now, I'm keeping it to myself.

Right now, no one has a clue that
I wet my bed.
I wet my bed.
Considering I am age thirty-five.
Oh, what a crime.
What a crime.

Nobody knows,
Of my gross crime.
Nobody knows that I wet my bed.
Last night, I wet my bed.
Last night I wet

I hope no one finds out that
I wet my bed.
I wet my bed.
Considering I am age thirty-five.
Oh, what a crime.
What a crime.