(Matthias)
A place I used to love to go
Was the local Petting Zoo
But now it’s a calamity
The cows are gone, pigs too

The new owner is a strange creep
With animals that are brand new
His name is B.A. Dave
And they say he’s out of his mind

These creatures he created
During all his long free time
They are not goats or lamb
These things are hard to describe

When I saw some bovines grazing
I thought I would be safe
But these things were ghostly cattle
From the burgers that I ate

I ran out of there screaming
A spider web I fell into
Now in the net he’s rolling me
This spider is quite huge!!!

Gotta fight him off and go find a phone
Think that I never should of left my home
Into my hair some Kool-Aid bats have flown
This petting zoo is making me just groan
Ahhhhhhhh!!!

(Below Average Dave)
I hope you’re having loads of fun
While you’re here in my barn
These creatures I’ve made aren’t just cute
Can’t find them in stores

In this cage is a terrorist
A penguin, Can’t you tell?
But don’t you mind his evil smirk
He has no shotgun shells

There’s a super hyper puppy
Who will talk and rap and sing
And he’ll do it with perfection
Just for a doggie treat

You’ve got to check them out all these pets I own
Guys say I’m a freak when my Cock Star’s shown
I simply roll my eyes, I can’t be dethroned
Cause I am never bored with my termite drones

(Matthias)
David you’re pests scare me
Your bird said, “That’s nice cologne”
I have paid for the admission
But a refund’s what you owe

Those Independent Turkeys
I’m surrounded by a flock
They’ve had a farm upheaval
That made me kind of shocked

I’m not the farmer still they pecked
At my swollen hand
My money back is what I want
Cause I am frickin mad!!!

(Below Average Dave)
I’m sorry Sir Matthias
But all refunds I do block
That might leave you in depression
And the killer fish will mock

To keep within my budget
The doors are bolted down with wood
And unless you give me dough
You will become one with their hood

With the power of phantom cattle
And the wicked Kool-Aid bats
You’ll fork over your allowance
Or become an Emo Cat

It’s sad for your misfortune
Catching rats while blasting punk
Cause now Fall Out Boy’s your main band
Be glad you’re not a skunk!!!

(Matthias)
So I went to damn Dave’s Petting Zoo
Which wasn’t much too smart
Now I lick milk and I chase mice
And meow loudly in the dark

A warning to all you
Dave’s Barn’s worse than Jurassic Park

Damn!!!
Da-hah-hah-hah-hamn!!!
Da-hah—ya-hah-ya-hah-hamn!!!