I turn on my clapper
I sit on the crapper
I take off my pants and sit and wait
My stomach is churning
My asshole is burning
Ignore it and try to concentrate

Can't push it out; it's stuck in my ass
I try but I just pass gas
I know I will be late for class
Just can't push it out of my ass
Guess I'm constipated; alas.

I sit broken hearted
Can't shit; I just farted
And now I feel sweat run down my face
Give it all I've got now
My nerves are all shot now
Still here staring at my shoelace

Maybe it's something I ate
Yesterday when I went on that date
Or maybe this is just my fate
But all I know is that I hate
Wanna crap but I have to wait
(Have to wait!)

I sit and await it
My god how I hate it
I think that I just might take a nap
I'm so uninspired
I'm alone and tired
Please God won't you let me take a crap?

I guess I have to be strong
As I sit here holding my dong
Look at me, I just made up a song
Think I'll be done soon but I'm wrong
I've been sitting here all day long