For so long, I've been dateless
but I finally got a break and
a cute girl has come my way
And she is so athletic
but now, I feel pathetic
'cause of her plans for our first date

So, how do I find a way
to tell her I fear skating?
Searching for the words to say
to tell her I fear skating
But what if she thinks that I'm lame
oh, because I fear skating?
Should I tell her anyway
oh, just that I fear skating?

I wish she was just kiddin'
how 'bout a movie or some fishin'
'cause skating's something I can't take
I learned the first time that I did it
I have no balance or rhythm
and I know that something's bound to break

So, how do I find a way
to tell her I fear skating?
Searching for the words to say
to tell her I fear skating
But what if she thinks that I'm lame
oh, because I fear skating?
Should I tell her anyway
oh, just that I fear skating?

I've made my decision, I'm willing to skate with you
Perhaps, I'll be better, and I'll get lucky with you...

Oh, doctor, can you give me
some medication for the severe, aching pain
of my broke leg?

Oh, I should have found a way
to tell her I fear skating
I should have found the guts to say
to tell her I fear skating (skating! skating!)

Yeah, I wish I'd found a way
to tell her I fear skating
I could have avoided all this pain
If I'd said I fear skating
She was such a bitch anyway
I'm better off masterbating
Yeah, I wish I had just found a way
to tell her I fear skating