Just gimme the club and I'll be teeing off
Shots are never flubbed watch and you'll be in awe
Big screen in the pub you will not see a flaw
Make pros look like scrubs I've got an easy job

You've seen me on ESPN news at St. Andrews
As they covered how I cruised to win not lose
Best man on the PGA tour
I get upset with a sixty-eight score
If you tell me I'm playing
Like Vijay Singh
The words you are saying
Are dismaying
Unlike him I can't be defeated
That's the truth I'm not too conceited
When I play

See me birdie few are worthy so I rarely need to try
Ball is curving toward the third green since I've got the eagle eye
My control combined with power makes opponents want to cry
Idolize me my wins are not surprising

No set of eighteen holes can break me
Always calm and cool when I'm dominating
To face me must be quite frustrating
Like a bratty kid who will not stop imitating
I can drive Ernie Els to yell like hell
Since I make his A game look like it is a dry spell I
Must be doing something
Right every day since the wins keep on comin'

I don't find it to be really tough to miss the rough
My shot is sweet like cream puffs, quite good enough I'm
Near fear more than Joe Rogan
More hulking skills than the prime of Ben Hogan

I am sure that I will succeed more than Sam Snead
As long as golf is on the TV
I'll be in the lead and
I'm not gracious I win and celebrate it
And then

See me birdie yes you heard me it's a shame when I get par
My games sturdy, never dirty, and I hit it very far
From the lowest check I got this year I bought a brand new car
From my slicing the offers are enticing


Just gimme the club and I'll be teeing off
Shots are never flubbed watch and you'll be in awe
Big screen in the pub you will not see a flaw
Make pros look like scrubs I've got an easy job

You might know what Michelle Wie's face is
Since she's famous
But a lot of her places are disgraces
She can't always beat the women
And in the water her ball is sometimes swimmin'
Some choose when they're on fire to retire
On that I'll take a flier, since I aspire
To get all eagles and birdies
While I win a tourney by thirty

When I play
See me birdie few are worthy so I rarely need to try
Ball is curving toward the third green since I've got the eagle eye
My control combined with power makes opponents want to cry
Idolize me my wins are not surprising

See me birdie spread the word the greatest athlete of them all
Isn't burly, quick like Kersee, even over six feet tall
More than Ruth, more than Jordan I do wonders with a ball
I'm amazing, the one you should be praising

Amen
See me birdie late or early I'm consistent like machines
I'm deserving, never erring, and my record's squeaky clean
Other golfers stretch the truth but I just ride stretch limousines
Close to the hole, maybe double eagle

See me birdie and some nerdy golf fans know my every score
Computer screen it's occurring over there and no place more
I imagined it was real because I'm feeling really bored
Now my eyes sting, should be exercising

From clicking the mouse I played like Tiger Woods
Outside of the house I am not quite that good
I do not know how to swing a club, I should
Get up and leave now, jog through the neighborhood