What's up with Miss Kournikova?
Got to know 'bout Donatella
Who just had sex with Madonna, J-Lo and Beyonce?

I'm the gossip king, just hounding icons non-stop
For the photo-ops, just keep gabbing and gossiping
Got drunken photographs, brought in by our photo staff
Blathering on every celebrity
If someone gets engaged, or complains about their age
It'll make the front page, it's publicity
Whether it's Roseanne Barr or that girl who starred on Felicity

Celebrities irate at us, they're hatin' us, since we discuss
All the details about their social lives
And the well-known guys with their second wives
Ally McBeal lacks sex appeal
And we kinda feel she should eat a meal
It's all good and publicized, it's an enterprise, they'll be scrutinized
They're televised and they're idolized
But in my eyes they're a franchise

I'm pretty slick, I'm skilled, and I will get some good stills
Capture the entire shebang on film and then get rich quick
From Oprah Winfrey to Bruce and Demi to Bette Midler's niece
To Andy Dick, if someone gets fat or has a heart attack
I don't care about that as long as I profit
'Cause I am the number one male
When it comes to being a tattletale

There's stalker stuff from Hil'ry Duff
And that Courtney Love, she can't get enough
I'm all about secret marriages, I'll disparage them and embarrass them
From Eminem to the cast of Friends
Puttin' them to shame, that's the price of fame
It's all highly publicized, it's an enterprise, they'll be scrutinized
They're televised and they're idolized
But in my eyes they're a franchise

I'm the gossip king, I'm chasing down Lucy Liu
And the guy who played Rerun on What's Happening?
There's sex, drugs, trailer trash, larceny, and other drama
All for some cash that's as good as spent
Every day there's a new flavor, so I'm doing you a favor
And I'm spying on your neighbor who's prominent
I could make a lot of dough for just one photo of the president

Sometimes the rules I have got to bend
If I can't find news I can just pretend
In-a the club I'll say Bernie Mac
Was making out with Cher in a room in the back
While Macullay Culkin watched from a booth
Nobody can prove that it's not the truth
It's all good and publicized, it's an enterprise, they'll be scrutinized
They're televised and they're idolized
But in my eyes they're a franchise

Is it true Miss Aguilera had a new, steamy affair
With Adam Sandler's secret brother
All while Ozzy hooked up with Shakira?
Snap that picture, sell it and you'll get richer
Anyone can be a snitcher, rumor-starter
I'm sorry, I was distracted by

Those sexy ladies upon the cover
I hear they're lovers with Danny Glover
It's something that I just can't control
I'm like the Paparazzi minus the soul
Back when I was born, I knew I would warn
Folks about R. Kelly's kiddie porn
It's all good and publicized, it's an enterprise, they'll be scrutinized
They're televised and they're idolized
But in my eyes they're a franchise

I'm telling stories both far and wide
Even though I lied, I still have my pride
I won't give up my profession
There's no question, it's my obsession
I'll look back and smile, knowing I enjoyed
When I was employed by the tabloids
It's all good and publicized, it's an enterprise, they'll be scrutinized
They're televised and they're idolized
But in my eyes they're a franchise

They're televised and they're idolized
But in my eyes they're a franchise...