Long ago Gabriela Sabatini
I'd look at her poster and then I'd touch my weenie

Now I endeavor to get Dementieva
When I see her face I feel like I'm in heaven

So many beauties that now play on the tennis courts
They're so much better than any other ladies sport

Sit on my sofa, Nadia Petrova
If you take the time you'll learn I'm Casanova

Beg your pardon Justine Henin-Hardenne
When I see you play Mr. Happy starts to harden

It doesn't matter some are barely of legal age
Hope none of them are engaged

Sharapova you're the best
So much hotter than the rest
Sharapova let me see
What you're wearing underneath, yeah, yeah

I'm a liar yeah and I'm a shyster
I hope it doesn't matter to my honey Kimmy Clijsters

I used to go for Anna Kournikova
Since she quit the tour I no longer wanna love her

I guess she thought she'd make more money in photo shoots
Wearing tiny bathing suits

Sharapova you're a piece
Looking sexy in that fleece
Sharapova you're so hot
With your Canon PowerShot™, yeah, yeah

I hope to satisfy the itch
Of Serb Jelena Jankovic
There could be just one minor hitch
She might be gay gay gay

It would be bliss to do some cunnilingus
With Mary Piece and oh! Martina Hingis

And I think you know just where I come from
When I say I want to bang Serena Williams

I tried them all but none of them will return my call
I guess I'll go for Nadal
Fuzzy balls

Sharapova you're so cute
In SI's swimsuit issue
Sharapova I'm enthralled
When you wear that baby doll, yeah, yeah

Sharapova, Russian fox
Looking fine in tennis socks
Sharapova in one year
You can buy your first cold beer, yeah, yeah

(Solo time! – Grab your racquet and pretend you're John Frusciante! Or if you recognize the riff, pretend you're Jimi Hendrix!)