Never had a dry face, my mucus is green,
Got a sinus infection, and my sleeve is never clean.
Doctors debated me, my parents hated me.
Can't even sleep at night cuz I can't even breathe right.

Everyday I clean my snot off of the mirror.
I can't see the person starin' back at me.
I'm allergic to myself.

Don't let me snee-eeze.
Got so many allergies.
Its bad when you can't smell yourself
So irritating.
Don't wanna wipe my nose no more.
Put the Kleenex back on the shelf.

Put the Kleenex back on the shelf, yeah.

Doctor asked me, "Why ya look so sad?
All you have to pay is everything you have."
I've got issues, not enough tissues.
Nose is runny, it's not funny.

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe me somethin,
Or transplant the nose of someone else?
Cuz I'm allergic to myself.

(Chorus repeats...)