Waited in the line for Twilight
Chicks were crowding up the aisle
For his skin which glows so bright
Toothy smile

That Cullen fella mopes and pines
With complexion fake and white
I’ll grab a stake and slay him right
What is this triiiiipe? It’s a criiiiiiime

Hear them scream and cheer
All those stupid groupie fangirllllls!
Look, Edward is a queer
Watch him twinkle sooo-ah-oh-ah-oh-ohhhhh!

*moody pout solo*

He’s nothing like a real vampire
They need fangs to eat their lunch
He’s longing for her blood?
Go down on her at her peak

That-time-of-month Draculaaaaa
Gives you wings like Red Bull
Still, Ed can’t figure Miss Swan out

What type? Ohhhhh…
(Just bleedin’ well wants her throat)
She’s Type O!
(Bloodclots worn as cologne)

So why does he dig her?
She’s 90 years his junior? Oh, well
(Pedo!)
He’s cute and so demure?
Man, this chick flick blow-ah-oh-ah-oh-ohhhhh-s!

*duelling angsty, brooding banjos*

Through the tree-tops they run
A waste of freaking spools
Make more films?
Camera 3 must be drunk
Quick cuts and crazy zooms
Plus Dutch tilts?

(Moooooan. Groooooan.)

Get me out of here!
All this schmoozing makes me feel ill
(Eurrrgh! Bleccch!)
Series of the year?
Must be frozen over in hell…

Some twinkling schmoe
This stinks, you know

Can’t keep watching
Can’t continue
It might kill me
Good, I’ll miss Twilight 2