When I was a boy
Always watching TV
There was no Ugly Betty
And no Old Christine
It was old school prime time
Back in 1999.
Regis Philbin's the host
Though he seems pretty odd
When he asking the person
He acts just like God.
Making you second guess
And losing all that dough.

Think you're gonna use a lifeline
Phone a friend for the right time.
You hope they don't screw up,
But hey, you still not ***ed
You're safe now with two lifelines.

You're at 32 grand
And you think to yourself
This question's so hard
I probably need some help.
You look at the host
And say "I just don't know"

Think you're gonna use a lifeline
See what the hell is on the crowd's mind
You hope they don't screw up,
But hey, you still not ***ed
You're safe now with a lifeline.
Column B has the most numbers
Or maybe they're as dumb, you have to wonder.
You got the question right
The million is in sight
And you got a lifeline.

This gameshow's cruel and cold
A has pleasure in your pain.
Though Regis is so old
He's not right in the brain.
You better go ahead and play.
Yeah!

You are gonna use that lifeline
For that chance of a lifetime
Cut those answers in half,
Dude, we got you back.
You don't have a lifeline.
It's the million dollar question
If you're right you'll win the cash and then some more
The show is coming back
Don't have a heart attack
Better use a lifeline!!!