Let's go play the game and behave like it's ballet,
simply 'coz we're cheating thugs.
Tatoo'd backs, posing WAG's, s'all we need for massive banks,
gel your hair up and i'll meet you on, the, park.

It's the life for you and me,
everywhere we're VIP,
could someone please spell that for me??
For every twinkletoes display,
there's an entire bloody play,
all crying "et tu Bruté" referee...ee...eeee...

Coz when we're going forward, defender's all that matters,
trip over thin air and dive in dramatic manner.
Coz that's the only way we can win (with penalties),
and i can't even act.

Ah, ref look at me, hit his knee,
but i'll throw my arms and plea,
it was a handball in the box.
But what's this he isn't fooled,
and now a yellow card he's pulled,
for acting hard without throwing a punch.

Coz when we're losing badly, sportsmanship doesn't matter,
wait until he's passed it then go give him a clatter.
And even if you miss he'll still roll around in pain,
and feign an injury.

All the home fans here are jeering,
at the poser with the earring,
in the papers every day!

Rumours have it he smokes dope,
"The Sun" tells us he drops the soap,
they've never even seen him play!

It's sad to see it, it's sad to see it,
it's football to-day, it's football to-day
It's sad to see it,
there's nothing in the world,
that's so petty,
oh so petty,
so petty!