I'm doin' this tonight
My -- reindeer will be takin' flight
My -- beard is long and white
Hey baby come on
I got big loads of toys
For -- all the girls and boys
And -- I don't make no noise
When I'm comin' down

I know that I can't stay too long
It ain't no show
I break and enter like a pro
Baby ho ho ho

I'm gonna leave a gift for you
I'm just a fat guy cloggin' up your chimney flue
May be chunky but I ain't too slow
Baby ho ho ho
Don't really wanna leave you stuff
I'd rather sit around upon my fat ol' duff
I tried to quit once but my wife said no
What a ho ho ho

Just leave me out a treat
Some -- milk along with something sweet
This -- fat boy's got to eat
At every stop
I -- like it freshly baked
Some -- cookies or maybe cake
But -- it is hard to take
That lame store-bought slop

I know I can't complain too much
My weight's not low
I'll take a half a Twinkie though
Or a whole Ho-ho

I'll bring a lump of coal to you
The government is funding me you know it's true
I'd pay for it but I'm way too po'
Baby ho ho ho
Don't really wanna say too much
But let's just say it's one good way to stay in touch
You been naughty bet your ass we know
Baby ho ho ho

***You better watch your butt for sure***
***You better not be poutin' or be cryin' no more***
(Ho ho)
***I'm makin' lists; I'm checkin' twice***
***Don't let me catch you naughty or I won't be nice***

I don't wanna bring you coal
But I will, you know
And your Christmas gonna blow
Ho ho ho...