It was almost Christmas time, there I stood in another line
Trying to buy that last gift or two, an iPad touch for cousin Sue
Standing right in front of me was a pre-teen boy waiting anxiously
The kind with a tattoo on his derriere
An' in his hands he held a pair of underwear
His clothes were red an' gold, he was covered with bling from head to toe
An' when it came his time to pay
I couldn't believe what I heard him say
Sir, I want to buy these undies for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve an' these undies are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see Daddy's been on Viagra for some time
An' I know these undies would make him erect all right
An' I want her to look hot if Mama an' Daddy get it on tonight
He handed over a check that seemed to go through fine
Until the cashier said, "Son, that check's been declined"
All he had in his pockets was a Dora The Explorer ID
Then he turned an' he looked at me
He said Mama makes Christmas hot at our house
An' since Arbor day we've had to do without
Please please sir it will not be funny
If I don't come home with these Christmas undies
So I handed over two twelve dollar bills
I'll never forget the look on his face when he said
Mama's gonna look so hot Daddy wont need sex pills
Sir, I want to buy these undies for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve an' these undies are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see Daddy's been on Viagra for some time
An' I know these undies would make him erect all right
An' I want her to look hot if Mama an' Daddy get it on tonight
I knew later on that I'd been had a plenty
When I saw him an' his mom an' dad on TV
They looked like the hillbillies from Deliverance
An' specialized in hardcore pornography
Sir, I want to buy these undies for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve an' these undies are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see Daddy's been on Viagra for some time
An' I know these undies would make him erect all right
An' I want her to look hot if Mama an' Daddy get it on tonight
An' I want her to look hot if Mama an' Daddy get it on tonight