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Song Parodies -> "The Christmas Thong"
Original Song Title:
"The Christmas Shoes"
(MP3)Original Performer:
NewSong
Parody Song Title:
"The Christmas Thong"
Parody Written by:
Spaff.com
The Lyrics
Christmas Eve at half-past-six
Stuck in line at the Freder-icks
Tryin' to get me an interview
For a job to guard the fitting room
Standing right in front of me
Was a - little boy on a shopping spree
Holding boots from the leather display
And body oils and best - some lingerie
When he pulled his wallet out
A picture fell to the ground
The hottest babe I'd ever seen
And what the boy said was a yuletide dream:
Sir, I wanna buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and I bet it fits just right
Could you hurry, sir?
Santa said he's stopping by
You see, Mom's been single way too long
So I - know she needs this Christmas thong
'Cause I - want it to be memorable
If Mama meets Santa tonight
Oh how those sugar plums danced in my mind
Then the cashier said, Kid, your card was declined
He muttered some profanity
Then he turned and he looked at me
He said, Mom can't stand being lonely, ya know
So I - bet she's hung some mistletoe
Without this, tonight would be all wrong
Somehow I've got to buy her
This Christmas thong
So I slapped my Visa down
I was glad to help him out
And I knew that I'd hit the jackpot because
Then he said, Sir, you must be Santa Claus!
Sir, we gotta buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and it's getting dark outside
Could you drive me home?
Mama's in a bubble bath
You know, she's been single way too long
And I'm - sure she'll love this Christmas thong
And I - want it to be magical
If Mama nails Santa tonight
But when we got into my SUV
Well he pulled a pistol out
He said, Hey sucker, give this car to me
You - know gifts are
What Christmas is all about
[Child:]
Sir, we gotta buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and this thong will do her right...
[Fade remainder of verse. Voice answers telephone:]
Police. A carjacking, eh? There's been a string of those. Let me guess - six-year-old kid. Told you his mommy's dying. No - this time she's a supermodel? Oh, he's good. We've been after him for years. Yes, sir, we'll keep our eyes open. And Merry Christmas.
[Refrain - Child:]
I want it to be beautiful
If Mama nails Santa
Tonight
Stuck in line at the Freder-icks
Tryin' to get me an interview
For a job to guard the fitting room
Standing right in front of me
Was a - little boy on a shopping spree
Holding boots from the leather display
And body oils and best - some lingerie
When he pulled his wallet out
A picture fell to the ground
The hottest babe I'd ever seen
And what the boy said was a yuletide dream:
Sir, I wanna buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and I bet it fits just right
Could you hurry, sir?
Santa said he's stopping by
You see, Mom's been single way too long
So I - know she needs this Christmas thong
'Cause I - want it to be memorable
If Mama meets Santa tonight
Oh how those sugar plums danced in my mind
Then the cashier said, Kid, your card was declined
He muttered some profanity
Then he turned and he looked at me
He said, Mom can't stand being lonely, ya know
So I - bet she's hung some mistletoe
Without this, tonight would be all wrong
Somehow I've got to buy her
This Christmas thong
So I slapped my Visa down
I was glad to help him out
And I knew that I'd hit the jackpot because
Then he said, Sir, you must be Santa Claus!
Sir, we gotta buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and it's getting dark outside
Could you drive me home?
Mama's in a bubble bath
You know, she's been single way too long
And I'm - sure she'll love this Christmas thong
And I - want it to be magical
If Mama nails Santa tonight
But when we got into my SUV
Well he pulled a pistol out
He said, Hey sucker, give this car to me
You - know gifts are
What Christmas is all about
[Child:]
Sir, we gotta buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and this thong will do her right...
[Fade remainder of verse. Voice answers telephone:]
Police. A carjacking, eh? There's been a string of those. Let me guess - six-year-old kid. Told you his mommy's dying. No - this time she's a supermodel? Oh, he's good. We've been after him for years. Yes, sir, we'll keep our eyes open. And Merry Christmas.
[Refrain - Child:]
I want it to be beautiful
If Mama nails Santa
Tonight
© 2004+ The Christmas Spaff
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Voting Breakdown
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| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 2 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 22 | 23 | 23 |
User Comments
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LOL! I am dying!!!
Maybe you can still get the guard job. Very well told story, Spaff.
What? That happened to you too? That kid really is good.
I read this on your site this is awesome!
Thanx, Sister Kicksass & Johnkins & Peterchyd & Jackie. If you don't know the original, count your blessings.
DKTOS, Spaff, but who cares? This is a humdinger....555
Thanx, Fotsirk Nostrebor. And you're lucky not to know the original. It may be the worst song EVER.
I was just complaining about how much I HATE that song! Good job!
Kraisins: You and me both, man. Thanks.
I got to hear this. The lyrics are great. is available anywhere?
ckelts: Thanks. No recording yet, but maybe I can blackmail someone into doing it this year.
http://www.spaff.com/poesy/christmas_thong.html
Loved the recording Mr. Spaff. I was grinning and smiling along, but when the children's choir came in at the end, I spit coffee through my nose. Great production decision.
It seems that you and I are the only ones here that have taken on this OS. But, mine was from my newbie/darker days.
It seems that you and I are the only ones here that have taken on this OS. But, mine was from my newbie/darker days.
Just gonna jump to the web site now, just because it has a children's choir...I will be prepared to weep with laughter. :) Thanks for the tipoff, IB...and thanks for the giggles Spaff & Robert!
Terrific spoof, Spaff. Glad I saw IB's comment as the parody predates my AIR tenure.
Thanks, IB & Aggro & Stan! I'm glad you caught Robert's recording. That's his daughter, Macy, at the end. I agree: her vocals take this to a whole nother level.
Forget Tim Allen, I think this Christmas i'll be Santa!!
Ho,Ho,Ho!!!
Awsome song Spaff!!
To the entire ' throng ' at Spaff.com: Have a very Merry Christmas! Hope to see your parodies looking fine in 2 0 0 9.
Well done, Spaff! Have a nice holidays! Merry Christmas to everyone on AmIRight!!
Happy New Year! I love this song! It inspired me to buy my husband a Christmas thong ;-)
Thank you, Spoof-Man & littleCupCakes & CMM!
Demento fan: I hope he wore it to the office party.
Demento fan: I hope he wore it to the office party.
Love this. Unlike some of the other commenters I'm very familiar with the original version and I absolutely LOATHE it. This one makes it easy to endure. Just when I have to hear it I'll think of this one instead. I also did a parody that's nowhere near as good as this one.
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