Bowser:
“Sonic and Solid Snake
Welcome to our club, ‘Game Cube’”

Wario:
“Come on in Smash Brothers
We’re roasting you suckers!”

King Dedede:
“Smash Brothers go suffer. You buggers aren’t tougher!”
“Smash Brothers go suffer. You buggers aren’t tougher!”

King Dedede:
This twerp sucks at lot. I don’t mean to be rude
Stuffs his mouth with bad guys and eats
He’s now a tubbo, oh no, dude you can’t eat no mo’

(He’s large!)

Kirby! Kirby! Keep your yap shut! (Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Kirby! All the scales fear (Fear!)
Eating bombs, bricks and umbrellas
Binge eating disorder

Wario:
“Fat fat, Fat fat, Fat fat”

King Dedede
“Ooooh oh”

King Dedede’s said “Au revoir”
Cause Ganon has complaints to withdraw

Wario:
“Yea, yea, yea, yea, yeah”

Ganondorf:
He plays ocarina while he’s in the bath
Checks his bleach blonde hair and his tight behind
He’s like Peter Pan on weed (Lame bright greens)
Damn!

Link’s not lodged deep in the closet (The closet)
Princess Zelda knows he’s queer (Queer ohhhhh yeah, yeah)
He’ll just use his sword with fellas
It’s only Sheik that makes him hard

Ganon never captures Sheik long (Not long, nope, nope, nope)
Wario is on his last straw

Wario:
Yeah, yeah, uh!
The King of Mushroom Kingdom has just bought a bag
Of the mushrooms that he intakes to feel great, uh
With Peach as his woman, she likes them of course
He pops ‘em and is big (He’s hung like a horse)

This druggie’s no plumber, you kidding?
He lost that plumbing job from the very beginning

Who jumps into tubes to pay off his dues?
He’s gotta be high or at least he’s on booze

His brother? Oh brother, Luigi’s a dudder

Luigi’s just like him, he’s trippin’ off grass
Feeling spaced those crackheads are huge disgrace

Mario’s a tipsy pipsqueak whackjob
Yoshi racing nutter (A nut!)
Crazy star of Nintendo

Man, He’s high on drugs now

Nintendo…

Party Nintendo…

Nintendo…

King K. Rool:
Whoooooooa… Ape! Ape! Ape!!!

Poppin’ steroids so Donkey can prove
That gorillas can take on crocs!
He’s a ravage beast wearing a tie, but not civilized.
Ape! Ape! Ape!!!

Ganondorf:
Link brought Sheik home (Found he’s not a guy)

King Dedede:
Kirby’s doctor said, “Diet time”

King K. Rool:
When Donkey Kong’s found a cheat, the drug test’s complete

Game! Fame! Lame!

Sorry! Kiddies the truth we saw
In store all your hero’s smeared
Mario’s a pothead (Nah! Nah!)
Real lives of Nintendo!

Link you see is gay at the spa! You’re awed! (So awed!)
Kirby packs away the pasta! (Topped with mustard! Yeah!)
Donkey Kong’s not really that tough! He bluffs! (All bluffs!)
People that we hate are all flawed! (Too bad! Meh!)

Bowser:
King K. Rool… (Game Cube, oh)
Ganondorf… (Party Nintendo)
Wario… (Hey! Hey! Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh)
King Dedede… (Tweet! Tweet! Tweeeeet!)
And Bowser, baby! (Baby!)
The Game Cube (Oh! Gamer! Gamer!)
Who’s the winner here?
Real Lives Of Nintendo!!!

Ooooooo…

Yes!!!!