When I turn on the TV I know what I wanna see
I want a bad combination of relations on the station, people datin' for me
There's a scrawny little geek trying out his technique
On a girl with legs that keep goin' who ain't been single for a week
One of them's gonna choke while the other tells a lame joke
Sittin' there sippin' on rum and Coke, less comfortable than havin' heatstroke
He's warm, she's cold, takin' turns bein' pigeonholed
She's gonna give him the heave-ho, icky icky TV show
Losers choosing boozers whose short fuses enthuse viewers
Blind date (a pisser) it's gonna be great
(It's a pisser) they'll go to bed (it's a pisser) though they just met
They'll drink, and drink, and talk about kink

When he pulls up to the door, he's lookin' to score
Walkin' over like he's a Casanova and she's a pushover or a whore
But she won't get nude; dude, what a prude
He's actin' rude and crude while she picks at her food
In the middle of the club, he's givin' her a backrub
Tryin' to open her up so he won't get snubbed when they're in the hot tub
He's gonna keep persisting even though she's resisting
Because there's something missing, sticky sitch, let's listen in
Losers choosing boozers whose short fuses enthuse viewers
Blind date (a pisser) it's gonna be great
(It's a pisser) they always fight (it's a pisser) it ruins their night
They'll moan, and drone, go home alone

Immature boys acting stupid, fresh; missing link girls, got some hair on their chest
Five minutes into it, they're kissing with tongues; good to see they've found that special someone
People keep watchin' as vodka and scotch ingestion leads to day-day-date botchin'
From the doorbell until the motel, please tell me he won't get with this bombshell
This kind of show gives me hope for myself

Yeah, uh huh, okay
Once upon a time this guy, Roger Lodge made a blind date show with his entourage
There was a single fella by the name of Chris, and he wanted to get laid, he was kinda pissed
So they sent him out with a girl from L.A. they were taught Kung Fu moves during the day
Hopped in a taxi, drove around the block; at a little restaurant they came to a stop
A couple bars and a dozen drinks later, he's just a little more eager to date her
She's makin' him look like a fool, 'cause she's kickin' his ass at strip bumper pool
Sittin' on the stool, starts pryin' 'cause he's tryin' to pretend he's cool
You gotta understand the woman is the one with the upper hand
With a gin and tonic, loser Chris, he sounds loud and moronic
Heh, he throws up his dinner, when it comes to drinkin' he's a beginner
Finish out the date with a pillow fight, he's gonna wanna try and spend the night
She's really bored, he isn't bright; this show's popular, I suppose it's all right

Losers choosing boozers whose short fuses enthuse viewers
Blind date (a pisser) it's gonna be great
(It's a pisser) the show that peaks (it's a pisser) with dating freaks
Hey, girls! Ladies! Why not date me?
Losers choosing boozers whose short fuses enthuse viewers
Blind date (a pisser) it's gonna be great