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Song Parodies -> "Mall Looks Haunted"

Original Song Title:

"All You Wanted"

Original Performer:

Michelle Branch

Parody Song Title:

"Mall Looks Haunted"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

There's far too many defunct malls around here due to the Internet's booming industry... This is the song tribute to one of them.
I wanted some Hot Topic
I wanted Spencer’s Gifts
But I cried they closed J-Crew
All I see are these ga-ates

The Sbarro is… Covered in mold and
Look at the Pacsun
The shirts are all frayed
So we walked to Vans and… It was cleared out, Damn
This makes me glum
I just want to pay-ay…

If you want shoes
Sucks to be you
Since the Sketchers is closed in here
No Subway inside
No Starbucks in there
This mall looks haunted
Since the shops are so scarce

Back in the 80s
This place amazed me
The brands this mall had made the consumers drawn
Now when you’re yelling
The halls are all echoing
Where’d they go? Stores are gone…

Want a canoe?
Sucks to be you
Dick’s Sporting Goods has all been cleared
No Macy’s inside
No GameStop in there
The mall looks haunted
While I’m shopping their wares

Mall looks haunted since there’s no Build-A-Bear
Need Gymboree? You know it’s not there
Oh, No…

If you want glue
Sucks to be you
Sorry Staples is gone, I fear (Sorry Staples is gone)
No Zales inside
Kay Jewelers ain’t there
This mall looks haunted
Cause now spending is rare

If you want Clue
Sucks to be you
Toys R Us went away from here (Toys R Us went away)
Auntie Anne’s has died
And Famous Footwear
This mall looks haunted
Used to be full of flair

What's here to sell me?
Kodak and Circuit City
Borders and Blockbuster shops*
* If you aren't familiar with the gag of this song the only stores that this mall has open are stores that all went out of business...

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Homegrown - June 23, 2015 - Report this comment
You know, I think we still have a Staples somewhere around here, but we did have a Radio Shack pull up stakes and leave a big gaping vacant lot in our local mall just a month or two ago...
Rob Arndt - June 23, 2015 - Report this comment
We have 4 malls around Sacramento and 2 are wiped out, including downtown which is being rebuilt for a massive arena and redeveloped shop, restaurant, and business area. Sacramento has also lost landmark Tower Books and Records plus the Century domed theaters. Bummer. Same for all Blockbusters, Radio Shacks, and other oldies. 555
bobpiecheese - March 06, 2018 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I think I recognise less than half of the stores here...and I think only two of 'em are ones I've seen in the shopping centres I've been to (Subway and Toys 'R' Us). Not that any of this diminishes the sweet nostalgia of this parody, nor the funny twist, not even the 555 bulldozers headed in this mall's direction, I just thought I'd mention it.

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