There was once a little boy
And his hobby was to run
And though it really bought him joy
To own a town would be more fun

His life was not enough
But he'd learned enough
He picked his mobile up
And turned it on
Life was not enough
He called his people up
And they all met up
And heard what he had to say so

Set out pow'rfully
Mafia-style conquest
Here's your town, they said
And they welcomed he
To a town called Linford Christie

Set out pow'rfully
Mafia-style conquest
Here's your town, they said
And they welcomed he
To a town called Linford Christie

And it altered Christie's world
As the rumours spread around
'cus people hide at the sound
Of his name spoken aloud
So he had power here, oh power
Not just in his town

Oh but it weren't enough
And so he stepped it up
As his fans were tough
He got them on
His town, it weren't enough
And so he stepped it up
His fans were tough
And went unpaid, oh

Make a new party
Change this island's ruling
House of Commons - dead
And they welcomed him to the country Linford Christie

New economy
One country or two
How is this instead:
They all welcomed him to a world called Linford Christie

La la la, lalalalalalala
La la la, lalalalalalala
[etc]

But now he's woken up
'Cus he'd had enough
I mean his dream was up
And he moved on
Yeah it was just his luck
Reality sucked
I mean it really stunk
But listen to what I say, oh

Save your sympathy
D'you really want his ruling?
We'd all end up dead
If that guy really
Owned the world, that Linford Christie

Just like history
What not to be doing
Or you'll end up dead
Is to welcome him
To a town called Linford Christie