Please forgive me, I'm just a baby
I am still teething, and I own a soother
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Don't you realize I can't even tie my own shoes
(The alphabet's all I know, just give me my damn playdough)
Every step that I take, my parents celebrate with booze
(The alphabet's all I know, just give me my damn playdough)

[Chorus]
I still suck my thumb, my Mom does my hair
And I still eat my meals from my high chair
I just wet my pants, what am I to do?
Can't change my diapers, so it's up to you

Can't you see that I "slept like a baby"
Up every two hours, bawling my eyes out
If you'd just give me a bottle, maybe
And give me my Glo-Worm, so I can have some light
(The alphabet's all I know, just give me my damn playdough)
Now take it away, it's blinding me, it's too bright
(The alphabet's all I know, just give me my damn playdough)
Why can't you understand me? Now I will cry all night

[Chorus]
I still suck my thumb, my Mom does my hair
And I still eat my meals from my high chair
I just wet my pants, what am I to do?
Can't change my diapers, so it's up to you

And I know
That I am barely even two
But I'm sad
Cuz I've lived so very long without tasting Elmer's glue

[Chorus]
I still suck my thumb, my Mom does my hair
And I still eat my meals from my high chair
I just wet my pants, what am I to do?
Can't change my diapers, so it's up to you

I still suck my thumb, my Mom does my hair
And I still eat my meals from my high chair
I just wet my pants, what am I to do?
Can't change my diapers, so it's up to you

[In background, during chorus:]
I'm tired, Mom, can you read me a story?