[Sung by William Shatner as Captain Kirk]

[Intro]
Klingons are often my own worst enemy
They are my own worst enemy
And they like to fight
They definitely put themselves in a position
To be very aggressive with my self
Other than that, good times
So
[End Intro]

I fly around space and search for the unknown
And I really like finding that we're not alone
But I'm always on guard
Space is tremendous the voyage is endless
Babes on every planet for me to be friends with
But I'm always on guard
'Cause this captaining's hard

And the Klingons better run
'Cause my phaser's set on stun

The Klingons all fight and I know there's no remedy
But if we have Tribbles we'll make it a comedy
You might think it's bizarre
But McCoy has the right kind of medicine
Bottles of ale that are blue and pure Romulan
So we sit at the bar
While Spock plays on his harp

My phaser's set on stun
And I think it's lots of fun
And so cool when I can fire away
Rushing in like Errol Flynn to save the day

My phaser's set on stun
It's my handy laser gun
It's so cool to watch it fire away
It shoots a shiny stimulating ray

Sometimes
I look at myself, I
See that I'm great, I
Think captain thoughts
Ev-er-y day
I'm worshipping me
I'm wondering how
I'm as sharp as a tack
And sexier than Chris Pine is

I'm a sight
Ripping my shirt in a fight
Can't we all get along?
Firing phaser, so long

Every night
Giving a yeoman delight
Sharing my captain's log
Posting the film on my blog

'Cause for women, every one
Got my phaser set on fun

It just rules to have a phaser, mmmkay?
It's so cool to zap the aliens away

It's a tool that I can use every day
Mister Sulu, ready, aim...