I am so small I am hardley seen
To the rest of my family
This is the crappy life I lead

Mum didn't tell me the truth you know
She said one day I will someday grow
But nothing's happened since I was one minute old

Even at the newsagents I need help
Cos I can't get the porn mags from the top shelf
This is why it's a real shame that I, that I

Bloody can't reach
Even on stilettos
Bloody can't reach
Even on tiptoes
I really hate my life
I wish I had growth spurts oo oo
I really hope for growth spurts

I drive around in micro machines
Sometimes mistaken for mini-me
I'll beat you easily at hide and seek

I am so small that I really should
Be in the Guiness Book Of Records
But bizarrely why have I been overlooked?

I'm so dumb, should've realised all along
That I was an experiment that went wrong
Damn scientists, this is why i, why i

Bloody can't reach
Even on stilettos
Bloody can't reach
Even on tiptoes
I really hate my life
I wish I had growth spurts oo oo
I really hope for growth spurts