Here's a thing
She started off slim
She was cool
And she went to gym
Yeah, yeah
She was such fun

She over-ate it
She cooked the pies
It wasn't long
Till she grew some thighs
Yeah yeah
It had begun

And all you ever hear her say
Is how she butchers all her food
That's all you ever hear these days

'Cause she weighs a tonne
She just eats and it's all fine
There's odd goings-on, yeah, yeah
She sees food, and she gets off her buns
She weighs a tonne

How can I cook it?
She puts weight on
If she falls over then we're surely done, run!
Yeah, yeah
We'd all be gone

And all you ever hear me say
Is how she needs to diet soon
I'm sorry she ain't felt that way

But she weighs a tonne
Eats her sleeves if it's meal-time
She'll never wear thongs, yeah, yeah
She eats food, and it goes straight to her bum
She weighs a tonne

She had a chance to lose it
Excercise, for a time
Stuffed her mouth and said she hates it
Again and again and again and again!

She weighs a tonne
She'd eat me if she had time
A size 31 yeah yeah
But she says that the size, the size is all wrong!

She just heaves if it's not prime
She eats all day long, yeah yeah
She don't chew, she just sits
You should know, that she sits
She sits eating crumbs
Since she's king-kong
Since she's 'shaped wrong'
She weighs a tonne