How can a beef joint take so long,
this wretched bastard piece of meat
jamie olivers timing's wrong
part boiled veg on a baking sheet
what the hell is this frothy spit?
apparently its parsley jue
why does my dinner look so shit
yet jamies easy roast makes me drool

[CHORUS:]
This is the closest thing to gravy I have ever seen
feel the need to chew, this rubber cuisine,
This is the nearest thing to edible ive ever known,
I cant stir this gravy on my own...
And now I know i need a drink and then the loo,
spuds are close to flakey , and my graveys close to stew

its not for the faint of heart
remember mrs lovetts pies?
Hunger dont even play a part;
id rather starve that try this shite.
Maybe ill feed it to the dog
theres no accounting for his taste
Had a sniff and then walked away
think ill label it toxic waste

[CHORUS:]
This is the closest thing to gravy I have ever seen
feel the need to chew, this rubber cuisine,
This is the nearest thing to edible ive ever known
I cant stir this gravy on my own...
And now I know i need a drink and then the loo,
spuds are close to flakey , and my graveys close to stew