[Matthias]
Damn!
“Screw you! Screw you! Screw you! You piece of junk!”

Gotta call OnStar
Screwed up my car
Swerved too far
Now my ride’s destroyed
It’s not fine, I’m whiplashed and sore
Now it’s not swell I crashed my Ford!
I’m the driver who sleeps and snores
I need some help and I’m so annoyed!

Triple A!

Who’s the worst one on the road?
Just take a guess
If your car’s near mine there might be a mess
Geico is far from impressed
It’s a death trap cause I’m checking the map while I drive
I won’t go slow soon I’ll be dead
Screw the brakes while on the road since their shred
Folks yell some death threats since they’re distressed
While on the highway use my Blackberry, Need to text
Think that blows? I’m checking Facebook on the Net
When you’re this dumb you don’t care if you wreck
No way!
No focusin’ while coastin’
I’m a big oaf, That’s why my Jeep’s covered in dents
I should buy a chauffer, I have no common sense
Just use public transportation
Cause it’s not just my headlights that are dim
My navigation’s everybody’s frustration

Now I’m calling OnStar
Engine is charred
On the road with airbags deployed
No this is not fine, My insurance soars
Cause this is Hell I destroyed my Ford!
Shouldn’t speed but I’m in a rush
And I treat my ride like Hot Wheels toys

It’s not swell I just smashed my Ford!

(Sigh!)
Steering wheel holds with glue and some duct tape too
I’m missing half the fuses that it needs, dude
It’s bad enough I am insane, Down these side roads I flew
But my car is a pile of sh*t, It’s like I’m built to lose
No mercy all drivers are scared
Pedestrians are splattered and I’ll leave just a smear
Oh No!
Like “Crazy Taxi” when I’m switching gears
It’s not that I’m even fried, I never drink and drive
I just race like Jeff Gordon, No one’s surprised
It’s like I aim for cones
But still maim the cones, They’re in my way dude
I won’t slow down I’ll just mow down
The sign to Dairy Queen
Those truckers always honk at me
When I cut in front of them at top speed (Top speed)
I drove, I crashed, I’m totaled
Left a fence derailed when took a sharp turn
So that’s why I’m calling you OnStar
I need you to help cause I wrecked my car

[OnStar]
I’m sorry sir but there are no guarantees
Since your insurance says that you are worthless
It says that we can’t come to your street
Do not be a beggar, There’s nothing we can do
(Call up a truck to tow! Just call up a truck to tow!)
If there was an earthquake we might cut you a break this time
(Call up a truck to tow! Just call up a truck to tow!)
Because you are a disgrace and on Turnpikes you race
Driver you are dumb!
We’ll send you a spare
If you popped your tires
But no huge repairs
Will we try to fix
Since it’s your own fault
Void your warranty
Sorry but you’re screwed

[Matthias]
(Damn! I’m so glum!)

Tried to call up OnStar
Screwed up my car (Car, car, car)

Drive but I’m too dumb!

They acted like I came from Mars
They thought all my brain cells were charred